Foreign Lands Roundup

I mean, I've only missed like two weeks now. Meh. It's been a pretty busy two weeks for me. And it's been a pretty busy two weeks for the international community, so let's talk about the thing that's been on everyone's mind: WIKILEAKS!

::cue dramatic music::

I have, as you were probably desperately hoping, Some Thoughts on this whole Wikileaks business.First, though, some background: As we've been aware for some time, a while back, Pfc Bradley Manning managed to obtain and then release confidential information that included details about the Iraq and Afghanistan wars, as well as a series of about 250,000 diplomatic cables from members of the US Foreign Service. The contents of the cables varies, but most are fairly frank assessments of personalities and situations abroad (which make them of particular interest to me).

Here's one of the most fun things about these cables: as of yet, none of them have been particularly revelatory. Anyone with half a brain could have deduced from afar the "batman and robin relationship" between Putin and Medvedev, or the fact that Silvio Berlusconi is generally disgusting. That China would welcome a unified Korean peninsula and that many arab states are concerned about Iran came as a mild surprise (if only to have those things confirmed), but really are more damaging to those states' abilities to contain the Iranian and North Korean regimes (which were tenuous at best to begin with).

Many people are understandably upset about this. They (including the heads of state and foreign secretaries of many nations such as the US) have come out and condemned Julian Assange and his Shadowy Organization, S.P.E.C.T.R.E Wikileaks as giving aid and comfort to America's enemies or whatever. On the polar opposite end of the spectrum, many are heralding Assange as a freedom fighter, persevering for the cause of truth and transparency in government.

Both of these reactions are pretty much bullshit. Wikileaks will cause serious problems for US diplomats abroad, yes, though the extent to which lives are greatly endangered is unclear. What's most problematic is the leaks (and the subsequent hurrahs for freedom of information) fails to understand a key facet of diplomacy: tact. Here's the thing. Berlusconi, Sarkozy, Ahmedinejad, Putin and EVERY OTHER WORLD LEADER are not complete idiots. You don't run a country by being a total moron who doesn't have some idea of how you're perceived by the outside world. Berlusconi not only knows he's seen as a manwhore, he REVELS in it. Same goes for most of the other leaders - they really do know just what we think of them. But the thing about diplomacy is, if you go around telling everybody exactly what you think about them, you're not going to get anywhere.

But I guess that's why some people are Anonymous. Real Connections with Real People are just too impossible for the tactless.

Just as they're not some torpedo in the side of US foreign policy, neither are the leaks some great victory of free speech and transparency. Ultimately, we have to ask ourselves: what is gained by the release of these cables? The answer is: absolutely nothing, other than a re-confirmation that the United States Government is very much run by the people. Diplomats: they're just like us! What do we lose? Well ultimately it's a little harder in the short term for the diplomats to do what they need  to do...so really it's kind of a wash. It seems to me that Mr. Assange and his organization decided to release a bunch of cables that are mostly needling annoyances in the side of the US, because they...I dunno? They just like doing things to be obnoxious? Which, really, is the worst, stupidest reason to do anything. "I'm bored. OH I KNOW WHAT I CAN DO! I'll be obnoxious!" It's basically tantamount to revealing the end of a Nicholas Sparks NovelMovie starring Rachel McMoore-Hathaway and Some Hot Dude With Abs - any idiot with half a brain could have seen it coming, but if you were looking forward to enjoying the movie (which I guess some people do?), it's kind of annoying to know what's coming before the opening credits rule.

So here's the deal, Assange: find us some information of real consequence that's been hidden from us and then we can talk about you as a free speech champion. But until then, you're just a high school philosopher, bothering everyone with his pseudo-intellectual crusades. BYE.

And now some other things that happened last week:

Laurent Gbagbo, who did not win. Despite what he'll tell you.

• In the Ivory Coast, a once lovely and stable country in West Africa (like back in the 90s), there was an election between the incumbent Laurent Gbagbo and Alassane Ouattara. Voting fell mostly along the division lines of the civil war (which ended a few years back), to the surprise of absolutely no one. What was shocking, to the Gbagbo camp at least, was the end result: it seemed that Ouattara had won the runoff vote by about 9 points. "Not so!" claimed the Constitutional Council, who can apparently do these things. The Constitutional Council then decided that Gbagbo would get to serve as president some more, for funsies or whatever. Now everyone is all upset, and the African Union doesn't recognize Gbagbo as president, and no one really does and now people are like "umm dude you should probs leave or whatever, k? great." and Gbagbo is all like "STFU haters!" Now the US, the EU, and the UN are like "dude you are illegit!" And it's all messed up. Poor Ivory Coast...great job, French Colonialism! [France24]

I can't believe they let Camilla ride in this.

• The British students are revolting! I mean, have you ever eaten with them?? HA HA I AM JUST KIDDING BRITISH STUDENTS ARE OFTEN VERY PLEASANT HUMANS (well, insofar as college students can be pleasant humans). No but seriously, the Parliament decided last week to raise tuition fees for British university students (doing so in a way that would be met with cries of SOCIALST NAZI ISLAMOFACISTS from the current GOP in the US). The students, who had likely been planning on paying a significantly smaller amount of money for university, got rull upset and decided the best person on whom to take this would would be the powerless figurehead Prince Charles and his skanky companion, Camilla. Or more specifically, on their car. Prince Charles seemed nervous, but then he always seems nervous. Camilla continued to emit stank lines from her person. So...10 points to Ravenclaw? [BBC News]

Lisbeth Salander did not do this. Because she is fictional. Probably.

• Sweden has been feeling left out lately, guys! With their continued low rankings on the governmental corruption lists, high standards of living, relative unharm in the recent global economic crisis, and complete lack of terrorism, Sweden lately has been feeling like a wallflower at a junior high dance. But not anymore! Why, just this weekend, Sweden managed to get their efficient, stylish, DIY hands on some of that sweet sweet terrorisms the western countries just love love love so much. Finally! Sweden was rocked as two blasts hit Stockholm (that's the capital of Sweden, nerds) and were apparently unconnected to Lisbeth Salander. But hooray! Now Sweden can have their very own Terrorisms Histeria! Congrats, guys! [Reuters]

Foreign Lands Roundup

Okay guys here's the deal. Last week I didn't do a foreign lands round-up. Which you should probably get over because a once a weekly updated blog about foreign lands should not be your primary resource for learning about The World Around You. BUT ALSO IN MY DEFENSE: basically nothing had happened. There really was only one event of any real importance, the G-20 meeting in Seoul, and basically nothing happened there. I'll try to summarize for you:

• CURRENCY WARS!!!!!!

That's not really what happened. What really happened was that the United States and everybody else has been worried for a really long time that China has been keeping its currency artificially depressed, which is doing any number of bad things to the world economy, not least of which being hurting current account balances and trade deficits. So everyone has been all like "Ugh CHINA just let your currency rise already!" and China has been like "Um dudes hellz to the naw, we likes being net exporters plus also hello inflation much??"

Then, a few days before the G20 summit, the US Feds decided to enact a program of Quantitative Easing, in which they attempt to ease some numbers or whatever (just kidding, they are putting more dollars into the market by buying their own bonds back). The problem with this, some people are whining, is that it will have the same overall effect on the US Dollar as China's policy of artificial deflation - in essence, the value of the dollar will be kept down. So everyone else was REAL upset with both the US and China, so people were all like "OMG G20 CURRENCY WARS, Y'ALL!" because they expected everyone to fight everyone else about dollars and yuan and other monopoly monies.

Of course, this didn't happen. Because things like these rarely happen, especially when something as important as artificial depression of currency values is on the line. I MEAN.

So that was the G-20 summit in Seoul. Moving right along to the present day, here's this weeks

Foreign Lands Roundup

No, Mr. Cowen, we don't think the PIGS name is a good idea either.

•  The moronically named PIGS countries (Portugal, Ireland, Greece and Spain) experienced a bit of a setback in their quest to no longer be the World's Worst Developed Nations. Ireland, a country with a fantastic current account balance (government expenditures relative to income are, in fact, some of the lowest in the EU) if you ignore the whole "we have pumped ludicriously large amounts of money into propping up the failing banking system" thing, finally admitted that its economy was basically in the shitter. Following the unilateral announcement (Taoiseach Brian Cowen would like me to stress that they absolutely did NOT ask for this) from the EU that a bailout package would be offered, world markets were in a scramble last week, all but certain that the European economy was on the verge of crumbling into a pit of despair. As of  publication, this has not happened. [BBC News]

Not this Madagascar. Though the politics are sometimes just as funny.

• Madagascar (the country, not the children's animated movie franchise) experienced a coup this week, or possibly it didn't, depending on whom you ask. Yes, that was the correct usage of the word whom. Take note, failed American high school students. Madagascar is no stranger to coups, however, so it came as no surprise to find out that Mr. Rajoelina had been ousted just a year and a half or so after a coup brought him into power. That the two coups were led by the same human was only marginally more shocking. Here's the thing about this coup, though: turns out it wasn't. A coup, I mean. Within a few hours,  Mr. Rajoelina showed up to smile, wave, and prove to everyone that he was just fine and not couped out off office, thanks very much. So it turns out there was actually no news from Madagascar, except the referendum on the Malagasy constitution which will probably end up letting Andry Rajoelina stay in power until forever. [Economist]

She is beautiful. He looks like a horse. What is this, an American sitcom??

• Debate the newsworthiness of this all you want, nerds, but I'm talking about it anyway! That's right, here's your post about the impending nuptials between Kate Middleton and Prince William. This has spurred the usual remarks about the relevance of the British monarchy, the importance of marriage in the modern age, and whether or not Kate Middleton will be the next Princess Diana. All of which is, to a fairly large extent, useless. But what is not useless is this: it will be nice for the world to have something that is just pleasant to focus on for a while. Seriously guys. We hear so so much about the bad crap that goes on around us that I for one am unabashedly looking forward to gratuitous articles about wedding planning, who will be wearing what, and who is going/who got snubbed. Deal with it, and mazel tov to the happy couple. I shall have to get a new hat. [BBC News]

OKAY FINE HERE'S YOUR FOREIGN LANDS

Look. I've been busy. And preoccupied! What with "having a life" and "watching elections", it's been a pretty busy past couple of weeks for me. Plus it's freezing in my classroom which makes typing hard. But HERE YOU ARE, INGRATES.

President Dilma Rousseff. A lady with lady parts running Brazil.

• It was a pretty scary week before Halloween. The American midterm elections rolled into their last week, which in itself was terrifying, especially with all the mediocre comedy playing out in a situation filled with so many possibilities. Brazil, on the other hand, actually had an election, Their second one, in fact! And this time they actually CHOSE A LEADER! Which is just crazy talk. Who even knew that would be possible? Not only did they choose a leader, but it turns out they chose a lady leader! Hopefully she will be able to overcome this disability (being a lady) and actually lead a country. Good for her!

Pretty sure God is actively trying to destroy Indonesia.

•  Apparently God Hates Indonesia. ON THE SAME DAY, this country had not one, but two major disasters strike - the eruption of the volcano Merapi at one end of the archipelago, and an earthquake triggering a tsunami at the other end. There's really not much comedy to be found here...it just sucks. So probably you should all just throw some money at Indonesia. And remember how much worse off some people have it than you.

Good night, sweet prince. And may flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.

• In ACTUAL tragic news, however, PAUL THE OCTOPUS, the famed psychic who successfully predicted the outcome of the FIFA World Cup this summer (doesn't that just seem like a lifetime ago?) has died! This is terrible. Now we no longer have an animal to predict outcomes for us...whatever shall we do?? Let us mourn the loss of this beloved creature, but celebrate his life, and remember the fond times we had this summer when an octopus ate food and predicted Germany's loss to whomever it was.

FINALLY Foreign Lands Roundup

Ugh so busy lately. Blah blah blah apologies blah blah blah two weeks late blah blah WHATEVER here's your damn round up of what went on in the world while you weren't looking (last week).

Now that's what I call SUCCESS

• Haiti continues to be an important international success story. Possibly related to the collapse of the government a few years ago, or the literal collapse of the capitol city, Port-au-Prince, back in January, a confirmed outbreak of genuine, bona fide cholera is currently ravaging the country. Naturally, Charles Dickens will be rising from the grave this Halloween weekend to write an excessively long novel about life in the 19th century, because apparently that's where Haiti has regressed to. On the upshot, though, the early 19th century was a pretty decent time for Haiti, what with the successful slave rebellion overthrowing the French colonial establishment. Too bad it's basically gone right downhill for them in the intervening two centuries. [BBC News]

The poor mediocre French cars...

• Speaking of the French, they are revolting! I mean, have you ever eaten lunch with them? HAHA I AM SO FUNNY. No but seriously, the young French are taking all their traditional angsty French ennui out on the government (by which I mean cars and storefronts) because the French government, led by International Man of Mystery Nicholas Sarkozy, was in the process of raising the early retirement age from 60 to 62. The Youngs were mad at this because "they thought it would mean fewer jobs for them" or because "they really don't like Sarko" or because "they were bored and French." So that's good for them. Just please try not to COMPLETELY ruin the country, guys, as some of us happen to be particularly fond of it. [France24] (yes the link is in French, deal with it)

We definitely won one for the Gipper.

• The Afghan "government," in a desperate bid for "legitimacy" and "control of their national territory," have entered into to talks with senior Taliban leaders. I think this means we can successfully chalk up Afghanistan as another win for America. U-S-A! U-S-A! [Reuters]

Wait...you're saying she did what?? WOMEN.

• There was a fantastic murder in Belgium last week, one ripped from the pages of an Agatha Christie mystery. A trio of sky diving enthusiasts, two women and a man, went on a jump. One of the womenfolk's (ed. this is what spellcheck thinks should go instead of women's) parachutes failed to open, and the woman (obviously) perished. The case was considered closed until recent evidence surfaced indicating that the two women were in competition for the affection of the man. The investigation took place, and it was discovered that the parachute had indeed been tampered with . One can almost imagine Hercule Poirot standing in his quaint Belgian home, twirling his moustache until he finally realized that, when competing for the love of a man, a woman will go to almost any length. [RTE]

Foreign Lands Roundup

Busy week last week, culminating in the monument to ex-empire, the opening of the 2010 Commonwealth Games, hosted this year in Delhi, India. To which Canada may or may not have sent any athletes, because the facilities for athletes may or may not actually exist. Hurrah! But now for some actually important events:

Some polices in Ecuador. They are upset.

• A coup was attempted in Ecuador last week, because apparently Latin America has decided to practice "the 1980's" again. Rafael Correa was attacked with tear gas and reportedly bullets, and was held hostage for a short time on Thursday. He has since escaped? been released? left the hospital using "legs"? and the situation in Ecuador has for the most part normalized. As far as that goes in South America, anyway. Upon being attacked with the tear gas, President Correa was reported to say "If you want to kill the president, here he is. Kill him, if you want to. Kill him if you are brave enough!" and then make a very vulgar gesture involving his crotchal region. Because he is that badass. Oh, and apparently the police were frustrated because they were not going to get raises in the coming year. Which, all things considered, seems like a lame reason for a coup d'etat. Well done. [BBC News]

The old Babri mosque, Ayodhya, India. It is not there anymore. (photo via)

•  In 1992, the Babri Masjid in Ayodhya, Uttar Pradesh (in India if you couldn't catch that) was demolished by Hindu hard-liners in the city, prompting a months-long series of devastating riots throughout the country, killing thousands. The most widely-known of these riots occurred in Mumbai (then Bombay), killing 575 Muslims and injuring thousands more. You will know about these riots from the beginning of Slumdog Millionaire. Thanks, Hollywood! Following the demolition of the mosque, a commission was set up to determine to which community - Hindu or Muslim - the site belonged, with the Hindus arguing that it was the ancient birthplace of Lord Rama. The Indian High Court released its decision after 18 years of deliberating this week, and, as you might have guessed, they punted. They concluded that the site, essentially, is significant to both parties, while refusing to take a decision about how to actually resolve the dispute. Everybody's pissed. (But then again, everybody's almost always pissed about something. Just ask the Israelis and the Palestinians). [Hindustan Times] [Yes, it's a real paper, losers]

• Two more countries decided to jump on the elections bandwagon this week, and, in order to prove just how Westernized they have become, neither country managed to actually make a decision about their future presidents. In Brazil, Dilma Rousseff of the Workers Party and favored candidate of current president Luis Ignacio "Lula" da Silva, won 47% of the vote, short of the outright majority she would have needed to avoid the Endless Election Syndrome currently plaguing democracies around the world. In Bosnia-Herzegovina, the already impressively confusing elections (they choose 5 presidents and 700 MPs to represent the Federation of Bosnia-Herzegovina and the Republika Srpska, as well as the Bosniak, Croat, and Serb populations. And that's just the beginning) have, to the surprise of exactly no one, been unconclusive. No shit, Sherlock...not even Miss Cleo could read that mess. Hopefully, though, this will bolster BiH's application to join the EU and NATO by indicating their willingness to have ludicrously complex, western-style elections that take months to decide. Hooray democracy! [Brazil - BBC News, BiH - BBC News]

Foreign Lands Roundup

After much peer-pressure from a certain Jill who shall remain nameless, I have succumbed. "Fine," I said, "I'll go back and figure out what the hell happened in the world last week just so you all don't have to EVEN THOUGH I WAS ON VACATION."

So here you go, your Foreign Lands Roundup for last week.

Things are going well in Delhi. (photo via)

•  The 2010 Commonwealth Games (some pretend-Olympics that Britons like to do to remind themselves that they once ruled the world) are scheduled to open in just a few weeks in Delhi, India. Many people will recognize Delhi as "that city from Slumdog Millionaire" (ed. This is false. That city is actually Mumbai), and also as "that city with all the Poors". Both are accurate visions of Delhi, so why on earth it was decided that it could host an international sporting competition is beyond your humble author. Predictably, though, the hosts have gone both "further than anyone thought possible" and are also "not nearly ready for the games." Which, coincidentally, is exactly what people said about South Africa this summer. And Beijing in '08 and Athens in '04. And pretty much every host city for every international sporting event ever. So who really knows what's going on with Delhi? Sure, there will be some problems. Sure, many workers are getting cholera because it is still 1870 and they have deplorable working conditions. But as long as someone doesn't bomb a crowd watching a concert for the games (LOOKING AT YOU, ATLANTA), I think we can consider these games a success. [BBC Sport]

A Swiss lady. (ed. Not really. That's Shirley Temple) (photo via)

• Apparently even though Swiss ladies (such as Heidi from the novel Heidi, I assume) have only been able to vote since 1971, apparently they are popular enough in Switzerland now to make up more than half of the Swiss cabinet! Good for them. And good for you, Switzerland, for taking decades after most Western nations to allow women to decide who will represent them in government. You're still a bunch of horrible racists. [Reuters]

This is the face of evil. According to the Burmese government. (photo via)

•  The ruling military junta has graciously allowed the Worst Dissident in the World (tm) the ability to vote in the upcoming elections in Myanmar. Which she has told her followers to protest by boycotting. Why the benevolent military junta would give this undeserving woman such a great honor is really unfathomable, but far be it from me to question them. They have even gone so far as to include her name on the ballot, though they wisely have decided to keep her under house arrest until one week after the election. All hail Than Shwe for his infinite wisdom! (Please don't hurt me, Myanmar.) [Reuters]

Oh good lord he's actually updating on time! Foreign Lands Roundup

OMG THIS IS THE MOST SHOCKING THING EVER! An on-time blog post? What even is that? Clearly I need some kadooz (thanks, Ramona from Real Housewives of NYC) for this.

Oh also, this week I will be on vacation at the beach. Without a laptop. So you all will have to follow the foreign lands on your own. DEAL WITH IT.

This is the face of a modern chic, inexpensive, DIY bedroom set Neo-Nazi party

• Dear Europe, You no longer get to say a damn word to the United States about race relations. The surge of far-right parties whose roots go back to the most exciting neo-Nazi movements the world has seen really just confirms what everyone's been thinking since you decided to colonize everywhere: you're just as racist as everyone else. Oh sure, you can pretend that you're no longer a "neo-Nazi" party, but when your platform consists entirely of race-baiting anti-muslinism (and for clarification, the Republicans in the States have many other planks in their party platform, that's just one of many), GUESS WHAT. THAT'S RACIST. So thanks, Sweden (and Germany, and the Netherlands, and Belgium, and France, and the UK...) for just coming out and admitting it. It's good that you, too, Sweden can elect these racist assholes to public office so that they can put their ethnic cleansing plans (and yes, the expulsion of an entire religion amounts to as much, see Bosnia 1995) into effect. So now Sweden is good for two things: cheap chic DIY furniture and terrifying neo-Nazi politicians. [BBC News]

This is from Guinea. It is a country in Africa. Allegedly.

• Guinea, one of the sad, unknown countries in west Africa, had a presidential election a couple months ago. As this seems to be the new hot trend for elections, no one person won a majority. However, unlike several other, more ridiculous developed nations (looking at you, Australia, Great Britain, and Sweden!) Guinea decided to do the sane thing and head to a runoff. I don't think, though, that "runoff" was properly explained to the people in charge in Guinea, as they seem to think it means "prolonging the election indefinitely." This is not American politics, people! Elections begin and end at a specified time, and if you have to have a runoff, you do it in a timely manner! We do have to cut them some slack, though - it was their first democratic elections since independence from France in 1958 (way to go, deGaulle), so it's understandable that they're a little confused. Now someone just hold their hand (again, preferably someone with experience in having sane, successful elections...Spain, maybe? Ireland? has that even happened before?) and walk them through the second round of voting and we can all be on our merry way, chalking up yet another African success story. Hooray! [France24]

Sorry guys, but I'm totally phoning this one. Some other stuff happened this week, like Nigerian election season kicking off, a deadly train crash in India, and something about Mexico, I think...but I'm just too checked out. I'm leaving for vacation in an hour, so these are all you get this week. Tell you what, though: if you're good, and promise to eat all your vegetables AND three bites of kimchi, I'll try to do another one on Monday PLUS trip updates next week. So be good everyone! OR ELSE.

Foreign Lands Roundup

Dag it seems like all I do on this blog anymore is Foreign Lands Roundups. Which is cool, cause I likes 'em. But probably I should do some other updates too...MAYBE THAT WILL HAPPEN THIS WEEK (it won't).

This is me.

This is me too. Deal with it.

Anyway, welcome to This Week in Foreign Lands, with your host, some terrifying amalgam of Gwen Ifill and John McLaughlin.

THIS WEEK IN FOREIGN LANDS

The Turks get very excited about these things, compared to Americans who usually cannot be bothered to vote

• As part of its attempt to join the European Union, Turkish voters passed a package of constitutional changes this week to bring the Turkish constitution more in li::snooooooore:: Look. Turkey is pretty boring, politically. Basically hate the Kurds, hate the Armenians, and be nominally secular, and that's how you end up with the ruling AKP. Because this would otherwise be a SERIOUSLY boring story (Turkish EU membership is "all but guaranteed", meaning it will be stalled for about 5-10 more years), it's important to note that literally everyone in Istanbul voted against these reforms because they are scared that it is PM Erdogan's secret attempt to stage a Muslin Coup in Turkey. NOBODY TELL FOX NEWS! [BBC News]

Really, Serbia?

• In another EU story, Serbia has agreed to soften its stance on Kosovo, the second-most recent breakaway Yugoslav republic, but possibly the most controversial. See, once again, Serbia really REALLY wants to be a part of the EU - and who wouldn't? I mean, have you seen their passports? You can basically get in everywhere! It's like being Heidi Montag! Anyway, there was a war fought over Kosovo, some Chinese embassies were inexplicably bombed by the US, and then in 2008 Kosovo officially declared its independence. Serbia called shenanigans, but now they are all like "oh well uh I guess we can talk or whatever." Racist Serbian nationalists are upset, so you can tell that this is a good thing. Anything that pisses off racist nationalists is a good thing.

Guess what Japan and China are measuring?

•  Japanese officials seized a Chinese fishing boat after the boat collided with the Japanese vessel in disputed waters in the East China Sea. Apparently ocean rights are a BFD here in East Asia, as it seems that every country is pissed off at every other country because someone says that these shitty, useless rocks are theirs. I don't understand why these shitty rocks are so damned important, but now it means that China and Japan are engaged in a pissing contest, with China demanding the unconditional surrender release (DO YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE??) of the prisoners, and Japan planning on trying them in Japanese court. Whatever. Grown men (and probably some women) need to get over themselves. It's a fishing boat vs. some big ass Japanese boats (that are probably intent on destroying all the whales, for funsies)...not that big a deal. Of course, this, like every other oceanic incident in East Asia, was merely a pretext to re-ignite the fight over who actually owns the Diaoyu Islands. But didn't Pocahontas teach us you can't own land??? LEARN FROM DISNEY, PEOPLE!! [UPI]

Foreign Lands Roundup

Still not perfect, but I'm getting better - only a day late this time! Hooray!

Seriously, guys, WTF is up with these costumes?

• The Basque separatist group, ETA, announced over the weekend that they will no longer carry out armed actions against the Spanish government. Which is funny, because the Spanish government hadn't thought about ETA since like 2003 when they made a snap decision to initially blame them for a terrorist attack. The problem is, ETA does not now and has not for the last several decades, had the capacity to carry attacks of any magnitude. Which is good for the people of Spain who either do not want Basque independence or do not care, but sort of problematic if you are Basque and chafe under the harsh rule of Madrid, who are doing such horrible things as "improving the Spanish economy" and "expanding minority rights". Poor ETA. So announcing this fake-cessez-le-feu (as the French would say) really is a way for them to pretend that they have any cache with the Spanish government. Madrid isn't buying it. Oh and what's up with those CREEPY masks? C'mon ETA, no one's going to take you seriously looking like a cheesy sci-fi B-movie villain. [BBC News, because they scooped this, even though I read about it on France24]

We can't eat, so we'll burn tires. TAKE THAT!

•  Just when you thought the economic news couldn't get any better, it does! Turns out that whole "inflation" thing people are confused about (specifically, why aren't we having inflation right now???) is actually happening! It's just that it's happening in third world countries like Mozambique, which has been experiencing exiting riots over the last week because the people cannot afford to eat any longer! Honestly, Inflation, if you want us to take you seriously, you're gonna have to start affecting real countries, like America, or...well, America is the only real country out there, so come on, guy, get with the progrum. Apparently this is the worst violence in Mozambique since 2008. So...I guess 2009 was mostly nice? Good for you, Mozambique! You managed to have a nice year. I think we can just take that win and start thinking about the future.[Reuters]

• I'm feeling lazy, so here's a brief rundown of other things this week: Moldova can't get enough people to vote, so the referendum on whether or not Presidents will be directly elected failed. I was unaware that there were people in Moldova. [BBCNews] There was a pretty massive earthquake in New Zealand, with ton(ne)s of damage around Christchurch, but apparently only two people and only a handful of sheep were seriously injured. Good for them. They beat Haiti and Chile! Also they talk really funny there. I mean even for Commonwealth people. [NZHerald]

And that's your roundup of Foreign Lands in This Week or whatever. Some other things happened, probably, but I mean whatever. It's not like they happened in America, AMIRITE?

Foreign Lands Roundup

Well for all my good intentions of doing this on a weekly basis...here we are at week 2 and I'm already two days late. We'll shoot for Monday for the next roundup, but no promises...

Not this Rwandan genocide.

• Last week, a UN draft report was leaked which states that genocide may have been perpetrated by the Rwandan military in the DR Congo. Quelle surprise! Except that this report was not talking about the violence perpetrated by the Hutu majority against the Tutsi minority from 1992-1994. This time, in an exciting reversal of fortune, it was the predominantly Tutsi military of President Paul Kagame committing genocide against Hutu refugees in the Democratic Republic of Congo (then called Zaire, a decidedly cooler name)! What fun for all! Genocide all around! The draft report alleges that systematic cleansing of Hutu refugee camps occurred during these years, apparently carried out by the Tutsi armies. This, however, can be chalked up to just another fun encounter between the Tutsi and Hutu (who are virtually indistinguishable), who have been attempting to exterminate each other for millennia. Keep working, guys! One day you'll get it! I suggest nuclear weapons. [France24, link is in French]

• The Tornado Rock Festival in Miass, Russia - a nation known for its calm, collected, stoic peoples - was disrupted last weekend as a group of skinheads invaded, pushed their way past security cordons, and sought to cry 'Havoc!' and let loose the dogs of war. The malcontents, who are totally unique and not an endemic problem in Russian society, brought batons, sticks, and iron rods to their little jaunt to the rock festival, injuring somewhere between 10 and 100 people. Which is just incredibly specific for the Russian media. According to the radio station Ekho Moskvy, the skinheads were upset that the organizer of the festival will be running in the October legislative polls. Because that's a legitimate thing to do. I know when I am upset about an individual running for office, I go out and attack a crowd of festival-goers who are only tangentially related to said candidate, but generally it doesn't go so well for me. [RIA Novosti]

• Another day, another appalling discovery in the current War On Everything That Moves being waged by the Mexican drug cartels. On August 26, however, in the Mexican state of Tamaulipas, the bodies of 72 migrants were discovered, likely killed by the cartel members who themselves died in a shoot-out with the Mexican police. It's like Kansas c. 1880 meets Chicago c. 1920. Jeez, Mexico, way to do everything we did about 100 years too late. One upshot for Tommy Tancredo and Lou Dobbs, though, is more migrants dead means fewer Illegals in the US! Though then they'd have to find something else to fall into fits of apoplectic fury over...so maybe they wouldn't like this so much. I get so confused sometimes about these ludicrous wedge issues. [BBC News]

I'm gonna try a new thing: Foreign Lands Roundup

So here's the deal, folks. I'm currently living in a Foreign Land. And I like learning about things going on in other Foreign Lands. So I'm going to start a new, probably weekly, blog feature called the "Foreign Lands Roundup" where I attempt to give some of you uncultured cretins an idea of what's happening in the world beyond your own backyards. The idea is that it will be a few short, possibly funny blurbs about some Important Things that have happened in the last week that You May Have Missed since CNN fired Octaiva Nasr and Christiane Amanpour is now doing something (possibly the weather?) on ABC. I'm going to try this out for a bit, and I'd love to hear some feedback from you guys - what do you think? Worth including in the blawg? Let me know!

So, without further stalling for time, here's your Week in Foreign Lands Roundup(TM):

• So Australia apparently had an election this weekend. Which, first of all, who has weekend elections? What is that? And second of all, good for them! Apparently there was no violence at the polls, but there was a political-candidate-eating-crocodile or something. Also, Australia, I think we need to talk. Look guys. Just because Britain does something doesn't mean you have to do it too. I know, I know, you still insist on being a pretend constitutional monarchy or whatever, but I think the whole world knows that you only do it to keep the queen's picture on your money. What happens when she dies, god forbid? You'll just have to print up entirely new money, and no one wants that. But I digress. See, earlier this year, the UK held elections that resulted in a hung parliament. Naturally, then, when Australians had a choice at the polls last Saturday between a mildly nice lawyer lady and a Literal Crazy Person, they chose...a hung parliament. ATTENTION PEOPLE WITH FUNNY ACCENTS: MAKE POLITICAL DECISIONS.[BBC] 

Viktor Bout being led off by Thai police. Photo via

• Comically James-Bond-villain-esque Viktor Bout will be extradited to the United States to face charges related to decades of arms smuggling in conflicts around the world. Seriously, if you take a look at any of the major (and many of the minor) conflicts from the last 20 or 30 years, you will find that Viktor Bout has, in some way, been evilly involved in every one of them. From Colombia to Afghanistan, including stops in Angola, Sierra Leone, and almost certainly any of the conflicts resulting from the breakup of the former Yugoslavia, Viktor Bout has been there, smiling his smarmy smile, looking out from his creepy mustache. This would be an example of an Actual Evil Person, and it's probably a good thing that he's going away for a long, long time. Unless, of course, the sharks with lasers are a success and manage to free him from his prison cell. Best evidence that he's evil? Nicholas Cage played him in a feature film. [Reuters]

• The Roma are the redheaded stepchildren of Europe. No one wants them, and everyone wonders about that smell that always seems to crop up when they are around. Mostly, they are just "tolerated" in polite European societies (by which I mean "routinely beaten by the police, arrested, and used as political scapegoats"), but last week, President Sarkozy of France decided to really get back to his nativist, immigrant-bashing roots and just cold deport a whole mess of 'em back to Romania or whatever. They come from Romania, right? That sounds right, anyway. Of course, when you deport people in the EU, you have to give them 300 Euros for their hassle. And when you deport people within the EU, you can't really keep them from coming back to your EU member country. So basically what's happening now is the Roma are getting kicked back to Romania, where they will wait in the airport for like a day or so, and then go back to France using their gypsy magic (airplanes) or something. It's all a beautiful part of the natural cycle of labor migration! [France24]