Foreign Lands Roundup

Dag it seems like all I do on this blog anymore is Foreign Lands Roundups. Which is cool, cause I likes 'em. But probably I should do some other updates too...MAYBE THAT WILL HAPPEN THIS WEEK (it won't).

This is me.

This is me too. Deal with it.

Anyway, welcome to This Week in Foreign Lands, with your host, some terrifying amalgam of Gwen Ifill and John McLaughlin.

THIS WEEK IN FOREIGN LANDS

The Turks get very excited about these things, compared to Americans who usually cannot be bothered to vote

• As part of its attempt to join the European Union, Turkish voters passed a package of constitutional changes this week to bring the Turkish constitution more in li::snooooooore:: Look. Turkey is pretty boring, politically. Basically hate the Kurds, hate the Armenians, and be nominally secular, and that's how you end up with the ruling AKP. Because this would otherwise be a SERIOUSLY boring story (Turkish EU membership is "all but guaranteed", meaning it will be stalled for about 5-10 more years), it's important to note that literally everyone in Istanbul voted against these reforms because they are scared that it is PM Erdogan's secret attempt to stage a Muslin Coup in Turkey. NOBODY TELL FOX NEWS! [BBC News]

Really, Serbia?

• In another EU story, Serbia has agreed to soften its stance on Kosovo, the second-most recent breakaway Yugoslav republic, but possibly the most controversial. See, once again, Serbia really REALLY wants to be a part of the EU - and who wouldn't? I mean, have you seen their passports? You can basically get in everywhere! It's like being Heidi Montag! Anyway, there was a war fought over Kosovo, some Chinese embassies were inexplicably bombed by the US, and then in 2008 Kosovo officially declared its independence. Serbia called shenanigans, but now they are all like "oh well uh I guess we can talk or whatever." Racist Serbian nationalists are upset, so you can tell that this is a good thing. Anything that pisses off racist nationalists is a good thing.

Guess what Japan and China are measuring?

•  Japanese officials seized a Chinese fishing boat after the boat collided with the Japanese vessel in disputed waters in the East China Sea. Apparently ocean rights are a BFD here in East Asia, as it seems that every country is pissed off at every other country because someone says that these shitty, useless rocks are theirs. I don't understand why these shitty rocks are so damned important, but now it means that China and Japan are engaged in a pissing contest, with China demanding the unconditional surrender release (DO YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE??) of the prisoners, and Japan planning on trying them in Japanese court. Whatever. Grown men (and probably some women) need to get over themselves. It's a fishing boat vs. some big ass Japanese boats (that are probably intent on destroying all the whales, for funsies)...not that big a deal. Of course, this, like every other oceanic incident in East Asia, was merely a pretext to re-ignite the fight over who actually owns the Diaoyu Islands. But didn't Pocahontas teach us you can't own land??? LEARN FROM DISNEY, PEOPLE!! [UPI]