The Foreigner Nod

I think I have an issue. I tend to be paralyzed with fear when I leave my house, because I am that worried about running into awkward social situations. One of the worst of these, in my opinion, is the Awkward Wave. You know the kind I'm talking about, where you see someone in a crowd waving and you assume that's meant for you. Even if you don't know the person waving. For some reason, there is a switch in the brain that says "Waving? Someone's waving?? OBVIOUSLY THEY ARE WAVING TO ME! HELLO PERSON! HELLOOOO!! I DO NOT KNOW YOU, BUT OBVIOUSLY WE ARE TO BECOME GREAT FRIENDS!"

This never works out. What actually happens, inevitably, is that the person will wave, and you will wave back, and the instant you think you are in the clear, you will turn behind you and see the wavee. And then you will feel more mortified than you could ever have thought possible.

Sometimes, though, your brain cooperates. You calmly look around to assess the situation, ensuring that no one is around who could possibly be the wavee besides you. After determining that you are, in fact, the only human being for about a block who could be waved at, you return the wave.

AND THEN SUDDENLY THE REAL WAVE RECIPIENT APPEARS.

Guys? No one's gonna say anything about how I teleported in?

Where could that person have come from? They certainly weren't there approximately .2 seconds ago when you checked. I am certain that the universe places human beings behind bushes or makes them able to go temporarily invisible for just such occasions. It's terrible, because you are left with the shame of having thought someone might actually have liked you enough to greet you in passing on the street! And you know they are just going to talk about that creeper who was waving like a maniac back there.

When you're in a Foreign Land, however, especially where people don't look like you, it becomes doubly difficult to avoid these awkward situations. You're pretty well aware that when, for example, a Korean person is waving, they are not waving at you. It's those white people who really muck things up. See, there's this phenomenon called the "foreigner nod", where one foreigner, upon recognizing the foreign-ness of another foreigner, gives a slight nod. This nod is then returned, in solidarity of being a Foreign.

But sometimes, you're standing on a street corner, jamming out to Ke$ha legitimate music, when you see a Foreign waving. This is a bit more of a gesture than the typical foreigner nod, but hey, who are you to judge? So obviously, you wave back. And then you turn. And see the other Foreign. You know, the one for whom the wave was actually intended? Because the two of them ACTUALLY know each other? And this time, you don't even have the luxury of pretending you were waving to your friend behind them, because really. Who's gonna believe that you know that 50 year old ajumma standing on the corner? Come on now.

Suddenly, spontaneous sinkholes don't seem such a bad idea.

PS Photo is a screencap of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 classic, Girl in Golden Boots. Go watch it now.