Foreign Lands Roundup

And I was doing so well! But whatevs, you will just have to deal with having your roundup a little late. TRUST ME IT IS WORTH IT.

Life on Mars? What do you think now, Bowie??

• You all should know this one. But just to make sure, I am going to tell you again anyway. Last week, an alumina (whatever that is) plant exploded or whatever in Hungary. I know, I know explosions are inherently cool things. BUT NOT THIS ONE EVEN THOUGH IT IS A REALLY COOL COLOR AND ALL. See the problem is that alumina waste is SUPER toxic and is currently working on killing all life in the area. And now it's flowing toward the Danube and everyone is all like "oh noes that's a giant important waterway in Europe" and not  like "oh cool now Hungary looks just like Mars!" Either response would be acceptable, I think. OH also fun fact: Hungary was for a long time all like "no it's cool, guys, this super toxic stuff is just fine, don't worry," which means they are basically American. Congrats! [BBC News]

This is what will happen to Korea without kimchi. Just ask Toronto, eh?

• SUPER IMPORTANT NEWS FROM KOREA: the heavy rains and hot temperatures of this summer, combined with the extended winter (that lasted until basically may) have combined to pretty much completely destroy the cabbage crop in Korea this summer.(And yes, I know that because I am writing from Korea, it doesn't really count as a foreign land BUT THIS IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR SEMANTICS) So now a head of napa cabbage (from Korea) is costing like $12-$15 (USD) per head, and everyone is like OH HOLY CRAP WE WILL HAVE NO KIMCHI ANYMORE, EVER. Which really sucks, because the people here seem to like it. I could probably take it or leave it. [WPost/Neocon War Pamphlet]

This is what democracy looks like. Messy piles of paper.

• Kyrgyzstan had an election, and, proving itself to be ready to wear the "big boy democracy pants", was unable to come up with a clear winner. These elections, however, were only parliamentary, and really it's just a matter of the third place finishing party (Respublika) caucusing with one of the larger parties (either Ata Zurt or the Social Democrats) to form a governing coalition, so clearly the Kyrgyz have a long way to go before they are ready to engage in real indecisive democracy. [Reuters]

The Netherlands Antilles. It was a nice place, if you can ignore the crippling poverty and ruinous drug trafficking.

• WHAT IS THIS A FOURTH BULLET POINT??? Yes, it is! It is a super important thing that happened yesterday WHICH IS WHY I HAD TO WAIT UNTIL TODAY TO POST IT. You guys! The Netherlands Antilles are no more! Following the close of a council of the five constituent islands of this former-part-of-the-Netherlands, the islands have chosen to dissolve this unity and go their separate ways (though still technically part of the Kingdom of the Netherlands). Curacao and Sint Maarten will join Aruba as autonomous country things (kind of like Greenland is to Denmark), while the islands of Saba, Sint Eustatius, and Bonaire will become special municipalities in the Netherlands. So basically, each of the 5 islands in the (former!) Netherlands Antilles are now their own thing, but still within the Kingdom of the Netherlands as a whole. BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, your author has now been to an Administrative Division that no longer exists. It is basically like saying "I've been to the USSR" or "I've been to Czechoslovakia" or something. AWESOME. [BBC News]

Oh good lord he's actually updating on time! Foreign Lands Roundup

OMG THIS IS THE MOST SHOCKING THING EVER! An on-time blog post? What even is that? Clearly I need some kadooz (thanks, Ramona from Real Housewives of NYC) for this.

Oh also, this week I will be on vacation at the beach. Without a laptop. So you all will have to follow the foreign lands on your own. DEAL WITH IT.

This is the face of a modern chic, inexpensive, DIY bedroom set Neo-Nazi party

• Dear Europe, You no longer get to say a damn word to the United States about race relations. The surge of far-right parties whose roots go back to the most exciting neo-Nazi movements the world has seen really just confirms what everyone's been thinking since you decided to colonize everywhere: you're just as racist as everyone else. Oh sure, you can pretend that you're no longer a "neo-Nazi" party, but when your platform consists entirely of race-baiting anti-muslinism (and for clarification, the Republicans in the States have many other planks in their party platform, that's just one of many), GUESS WHAT. THAT'S RACIST. So thanks, Sweden (and Germany, and the Netherlands, and Belgium, and France, and the UK...) for just coming out and admitting it. It's good that you, too, Sweden can elect these racist assholes to public office so that they can put their ethnic cleansing plans (and yes, the expulsion of an entire religion amounts to as much, see Bosnia 1995) into effect. So now Sweden is good for two things: cheap chic DIY furniture and terrifying neo-Nazi politicians. [BBC News]

This is from Guinea. It is a country in Africa. Allegedly.

• Guinea, one of the sad, unknown countries in west Africa, had a presidential election a couple months ago. As this seems to be the new hot trend for elections, no one person won a majority. However, unlike several other, more ridiculous developed nations (looking at you, Australia, Great Britain, and Sweden!) Guinea decided to do the sane thing and head to a runoff. I don't think, though, that "runoff" was properly explained to the people in charge in Guinea, as they seem to think it means "prolonging the election indefinitely." This is not American politics, people! Elections begin and end at a specified time, and if you have to have a runoff, you do it in a timely manner! We do have to cut them some slack, though - it was their first democratic elections since independence from France in 1958 (way to go, deGaulle), so it's understandable that they're a little confused. Now someone just hold their hand (again, preferably someone with experience in having sane, successful elections...Spain, maybe? Ireland? has that even happened before?) and walk them through the second round of voting and we can all be on our merry way, chalking up yet another African success story. Hooray! [France24]

Sorry guys, but I'm totally phoning this one. Some other stuff happened this week, like Nigerian election season kicking off, a deadly train crash in India, and something about Mexico, I think...but I'm just too checked out. I'm leaving for vacation in an hour, so these are all you get this week. Tell you what, though: if you're good, and promise to eat all your vegetables AND three bites of kimchi, I'll try to do another one on Monday PLUS trip updates next week. So be good everyone! OR ELSE.