Courtesy of Betsy

The long, hot days of summer seem to have arrived all at once to the Republic of Korea. This weekend, the temperatures shot up about 10-15 degrees (fahrenheit, obvs), and the Time of Sweating began. This is made especially exciting because of the near complete lack of airconditioning (aircon, a/c, depends on where you're from) in my school. Outside, the temperature is a warm but bearable 87-88, but inside my classroom I am fairly certain the ambient temperature is THE SURFACE OF THE SUN. Seriously! Even the hallways in my school are approximately infinity times cooler than my room! Of course, this leaves us with the unpleasant task of deciding whether to open all the windows in the classroom and deal with the outside distractions (both in the hallway and on the field, which my classroom overlooks), or face the very real potential of melting into a puddle of goo. Or spontaneously combusting. One of the two is sure to happen.

All this leads to the perennial question: how do you beat the heat? Of course, there's always the option of frozen drinks (preferably with alcohol in them!), but alcohol on school grounds is frowned upon. You can eat ice cream, but who wants to pack on the calories in the middle of bikini season! I've got to look good on the beach! Speaking of, there's always the tried-and-true method of lakes, rivers, the ocean, swimming pools, kiddie pools, even slip-n-slides to cool one off on a hot day - but I don't have my bathing suit here, not to mention reliable access to water. So what's a guy to do after a hot day of sweating in front of a classroom? Fortunately, I have my friend (and possible soulmate?) Betsy to thank for these four simple words that have revolutionized my life:

Fan. On. Pants. Off.

Fan On, Pants OffTM is the easy, but remarkably effective way to beat the oppressive heat of a day of a classroom filled with sweat and the stench of fear. It takes only three simple steps! Step 1: Take off your pants. Step 2: Turn on your fan. Step 3: Lay in front of (or under! it doesn't matter!) your fan. AND BAM. FAN ON, PANTS OFF ACHIEVED.

Note: Steps 1 and 2 can be interchanged. That's how easy this is!!!!

Fan On, Pants Off (FOPO)TM can be used for just about anything. Too hot outside? FOPOTM. Had a rough day corralling kids/interneting at work? FOPOTM. Indegestion from too much kimchi at dinner? FOPOTM! Did your wife leave you? Do you have an incurable disease? Probably you should seek professional help, but also FOPOTM. I am not kidding folks. Just take your pants off and turn your fan on and FEEL the difference.

FOPO is a registered trademark of the Nolen and Betsy Are Way Awesomer Than You (NABAWATY) Corporation. All rights reserved. Copyright 2010.