These are my confessions

Just when I thought I said all I could say, my chick--

Wait. Those are Usher's confessions. Sorry. Here are my confessions:

I don't think I'm cut out for elementary school teaching. I mean, I like the students and all, and they're pretty fun to play with, but GOOD LORD I need slightly more mature conversations. Even if it's about terrible pop music! I happen to like terrible pop music!

The bigger problem for me right now is crafts. I don't like arts and crafts. I am possibly the least crafty person on the face of the planet. Don't get me wrong! I am an excellent appreciator of art. I can design the CRAP out of a room with appropriate resources. Just don't expect me to actually MAKE any of the art.

And when it comes to using glue sticks and scissors? Forget it. My hands end up coated in that wonderful non-stick crap they call glue and somehow the moment I grab a pair of scissors it looks like I'm trying to cut things with my feet. It's just embarrassing. I am fairly certain that a pre-schooler would have done a better job than I have of decorating my classroom.

That's a Big Deal in elementary school too, this decorating business. My coteacher even said to me (about some typed labels I was making for my personal folders came out looking like they had gone through a shredder) "It's like you don't care!" And you know what? For those folders, she was right. And for all of the decorations for this room, she's been the one with the initiative to do them. If I had it my way, it would be simple and clean (not that there is a single spot in this school that even remotely resembles "clean"), and probably pretty tech-focused. Maybe a few select English posters on the wall, but I'd prefer more books than pictures in my classroom. In elementary school, though, that's just not something you can get away with. The visual stimulation is kind of important to keep the kids interested in what's going on in the classroom. But that's just not me.

Guys I cannot stress enough how much hate I feel towards glue sticks and scissors right now. Scissors less so because they have functions other than horrible arts and crafts projects. But the glue sticks? ABSOLUTELY NOT. It is like they are this terrible creation sent to earth by Satan, designed for the sole purpose of sticking to NOTHING but your fingers. And don't get me started on macaroni and glitter. Macaroni = food and food alone. The end. Period. And there is no reason whatsoever for glitter to inhabit this world. All that ends up happening with these terrible projects is that SHIT. GETS. EVERYWHERE. And I cannot stand that. Yes, I am not the neatest person in the world. But I do clean up after myself! And I don't particularly like the trashy scraps getting all mixed up in with my work-in-progress. Which inevitably happens when I am doing arts and crafts. I will have construction paper scraps sticking out from under whatever I'd tried to glue down (using approximately half a tube of glue stick), and somehow will be covered in glitter EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T USE ANY. RAGE.

So there you go. Arts and crafts. I feel very strongly opposed to them and that, ladies and gents, is why I am quite simply not cut out to teach elementary. Or summer camp, apparently. Except Space Camp. I could probably teach at Space Camp. That would be fun.

Long story short (too late!), if I am teaching here for another year, it will really need to be high school. Or middle school. But not elementary school. I just couldn't do it again.