Sick Blogging

As I am sure anyone who has seen me at my illest (and not the good kind of illin', I'm afraid) can attest, I can be...a bit of a bear when I am sick. It's probably a good idea to leave me alone, but I'll be honest: nothing makes me more of a mama's boy than being sick. And you guys, I was MAD sick the last couple of days.

It started on Tuesday. I wasn't feeling great when I woke up, and after having to deal with a class of (almost exclusively) 6th grade girls, I was about ready to die. And then the body aches started. As the afternoon wore on, I found progressively more ingenious ways to lay down at my desk without it looking to anyone passing by that I was laying down. Not that anyone passed by. And not that they would not have looked in and gone "WTF is he doing in there???"

I believe at one point, I was on the floor, with my head in the chair. Why I didn't just lay down is beyond me, but my fevered brain decided that this was a good idea, so I just went with it.

Another thing I'm particularly good at when I'm really sick is convincing myself that I will be okay if I just go home and sleep, and that I will be able to go to work the next day. This is pretty empirically false, but I keep on believing. Even as I was staggering home, noticing that the colors were in much sharper contrast than normal, sweating profusely, walking in nothing that could be considered close to a straight line, I just KNEW that if I only slept a lot that night, I'd be fine the next day.

 This was the view from my walk home.

Cut to the next morning, after a horrible night's sleep from which I was constantly woken thanks to the pain in every one of my joints and my throat. I finally decided two things: a) I needed to go to the doctor, and b) I would not be going into work that day.

Of course, it's August, and it FEELS like august outside, so not only am I miserably wracked with fever, but it's also abysmally hot and uncomfortable outside. So I'm trudging my way over to the taxi stand to get a ride to the hospital when I hear air raid sirens go off.

"Well crap," I think to myself. "I'm gonna die here. Wonderful."

Undeterred by the impending North Korean-caused death, I make it to a taxi and ask him, in pitiful Korean, to take me to the hospital. Once he finally understands where I want to go, he declares that he cannot take me there. At this point, I nearly break down. What do you mean you can't take me? I just need to go like a half a mile and YOU CAN'T TAKE ME??? THIS IS A TAXICAB JUST DRIVE!

Meltdown. But without a Joe to keep me from going literally insane.

But instead, he makes me get out of the cab and I end up walking to the hospital (which is where you go in Korea to see the doctor). In the heat. It's a miracle I actually survived the trip, but I did, and I got diagnosed with tonsillitis, and I was given my prescription for lots of drugs.

Lots of drugs for low, low prices!

Oh and I got a shot in the a**. Yes, that's right folks, when you go to the doctor in Korea, no matter what ails you, you will leave with a shot in the a**. But hey. Whatever gets the meds into me the fastest is fine by me.

And, to top it all off, it was SUPER cheap. Only about 18000 won for the whole deal - examination, prescriptions filled, shot in the a** - which equals about $15. Hooray for socialism or whatever! But SUPER hooray for health insurance.

Anyway, I'm back teaching today. Which means my throat feels like it is on fire, and I mostly want to go back to bed. But I will have all weekend for that, so whatever. Here I will hang out for a little bit longer. And try not to die.

I cannot believe my students.

This was supposed to be a fun post about my actual birthday celebrations that did not involve Miss Havisham. But I need to get this off my chest just now.

Picture, if you will, a group of students just finishing the second-to-last day of their summer camp. They are excited about their English party tomorrow, where they will get to watch a movie and eat food and just have fun. But they will also have to do some learning! And one of them asks me "Teacher tomorrow workbook?"

And I say "yes" in a kind of sympathetic, I'm-sorry-but-we-have-to tone of voice. And they groan, as kids are wont to do. And I think the matter is settled, glad that someone had the presence to ask about it before they just straight up didn't bring their workbook.

Now flash forward to this morning. I'm at the front of the class, getting ready, writing the schedule for class on the board. The first thing I write is, of course, workbook time - get it out of the way so that we can have fun! Behind me, I hear a gasp. I turn, and see 7 confused faces (in a class of 7). Now I'm a little confused. They know what a workbook is - we've been using it for the last two weeks, for crying out loud! So I ask them to show me their workbooks.

More confused silence.

Now I'm getting frustrated. I ask them where their workbooks are, and one of the students tells me "Teacher workbook home!"

I'm stunned. Every damn one of them, apparently having gone outside their minds, has left their workbook at home.

So now I'm going Breakfast Club on their asses.

Yeah, Molly Ringwold. Yikes.

No movie, no food. They get to sit there and write lines. And I get to continue to be upset about this.

It's Canada Day!

Today is Canada Day! Happy Canada Day to all Canadians.

I'm going to avoid too much snark here, because I am a Sensitive New Age Guy who Respects Other People's Cultures. I will just add, though, that if you see these guys (jeez could I pimp their blog any more???), please sing to them a rousing rendition of O, Canada. It annoys the hell out of them. Especially her. I don't know why. I think Canada maybe murdered her parents or her beagles once.

Anyway, that really has nothing to do with anything, except to mark the four-month-iversary of when I first left America to embark on the journey called Teaching the Children. And it's been...well...a journey. I've gone through periods where I hate my job and periods where I love my job, and as I finish up my last lesson plans for the semester, I have to say I'm pretty impressed I got through it at all.

I'm just that awesome.

I mean, really. 4 months in a COMPLETELY foreign country, starting out knowing NOBODY? C'mon. You're impressed that I managed to survive AND STILL TEACH CHILDREN. Nevermind that literally thousands of other people do this all the time.

So I'm a third of the way through the year, and the weird thing is I feel...nothing. Well, nothing in particular aside from OH GOOD LORD WHY WON'T THE SEMESTER END YET??? (I am as antsy as my kids are). I don't feel particularly accomplished, nor do I feel excitement at my 4 month-iversary. Probably because 4 months is the LAMEST THING TO CELEBRATE EVER (looking at you, obnoxious couples), but also because I think I'm getting into a routine here. Get up, go to work, teach, hang out with friends, blog about it.

Holy crap I am every other 20something out there. GO ME.

Yikes this is not the greatest blog post ever. And it occurs to me that I have no real way to end it. So...here is a video of some dancing robots.




Shaking & crying.

Look at what one of my kids just did!

LOOK AT THIS. LOOK. This is the best drawing of me anyone has ever done. One of my students did this while I was teaching the class on demonstrative adjectives. Would I rather she learned this, that, these, and those? Sure. But this works okay too, I guess...

UPDATE

I felt the need to add this after that last post so you all didn't think I had suddenly become a sodden hot mess curled up on the floor in the fetal position weeping quietly to myself. Because of course, after the last post, I went and had myself a pretty good day at school today. No major acts of terrorism from the students (one of them even apologized after she saw I was upset about the petting!), and I had a successful Talk with one of my students about staying in line during class so he could help his friends with their English!

And then I was listening to the new single from Lee Hyori on my computer called, naturally, "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang". My coteacher saw the WTF look on my face and asked me what was up, so I explained to her that I was having a major disconnect between Lee Hyori's new song and the movie for which it is named. Of course, explaining Chitty Chitty Bang Bang in fluent English to someone who has grown up in that culture is pretty difficult, so you can imagine my struggles. It ended up with me singing parts of "You're My Little Chutchi Face" at her and her looking mildly terrified. In my head I was thinking "YESSSSSSS THIS IS AMAZINGLY AWKWARD!" It seriously brightened my day.

Anyway, here's Lee Hyori's newest single, "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang"

Sorry for the link, they disabled embedding. Stupid Youtube.

Ugh. (WARNING: WHINY POST AHEAD)

Today in the Magical World of Nolen's Successes, I blew out a candle in my bathroom. And got hot wax all over my face. (I'm fine, but still picking wax out of my hair, eyebrows, and eyelashes, thanks for asking.)

This minor inconvenience has been pretty indicative of my last week or so...a lot of little, ridiculous annoyances adding up to just BLAH. So now I'm gonna tell you about it, internet. AREN'T YOU LUCKY???

It's a little hard to quantify, actually, but things just seem to have been piling up lately. Like my students (Qualifier: most of the time I really do like them, I promise!). For example, the other day as their class was being dismissed, one of the girls came to stare awkwardly at me, as is their custom. Since it was pretty warm last week, I had my sleeves pushed up - not the first time I've done this, mind you. But the kids are pretty obsessed with my arm hair, since I have a lush forest growing on my arms, and that is definitely not customary here in Korea. One of their favorite pastimes is to pet my arm hair. It started out as endearing, but it's gotten pretty old. Yes, I have arm hair. Yes, it's different from what you're used to. BUT MOVE ON.

And especially when I ask you to please stop, don't look at me, tell me "no" and continue to do it! And THEN when I tell you to leave my desk, don't giggle and say no again! It doesn't help that I don't know enough Korean to explain myself to her in Korean, not that it would help. When I speak Korean, mostly they just start talking about how I can speak Korean and spend the next 5 minutes trying to get me to say more things in Korean! Basically, to them, I am not a teacher, I'm this giant freak standing at the head of the room with whom it's play time.

I only get a little help from my co-teacher on this front, and the rest of the school teachers? Absolutely not. They see me in basically the same light as my students. And I'm at the point where I hate it. I hate being this freak to be gawked at. I hate being two sizes to big for this country. I hate that my students give me no respect, and look at me like I'm their pet. I hate planning, I hate students, I hate teaching. I hate that somehow, I am expected to make students come to classes their parents don't have to pay for, are after school, and conflict with their other activities. I hate that I am expected to do this not speaking their language. I hate coming home exhausted. I hate not knowing what people around me are saying. I hate not being able to eat properly because I don't really have anyplace - or anything - to cook. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

Two qualifiers:

First, everything I've read online talks about the three month phases. For the first three months, everything is new and exciting and shiny and you are just so excited to be here! And then at about the three month mark, the contrast between your home culture and the new culture becomes stark. You become annoyed, agitated, and most of all, homesick for your comfort zone. And then, three months later, you start finally truly adjusting to the new culture. You find your niche, and things begin to improve. I just have to get there.

And I'm sure I will. I have good friends here, and a well-placed trip to the States for Justin's wedding in slightly less than two months. Which, coincidentally, is the end of the semester, leading to a break from the current routine. I also have a plan to keep myself occupied and active, which will hopefully help. So it's not all bad news.

The second qualifier: I don't always feel like this. In fact, I don't usually feel like this. I'm pretty good at finding the positive (no comments from the peanut gallery, thank you very much), and most days I'm excited to go to school, and I really do like this country. I promise, I really am doing well, I'm just having a blah moment, and I think it's important to let everyone know it's not all sunshine and smilestimes here. And I only occasionally get candle wax all over my face. So. NO WORRIES, PEOPLE.

Awwww teaching moments!

Sometimes being a teacher can be really frustrating. Like yesterday, I finally had to make a student leave my lowest-level afterschool class. He'd been a disruption from day 1, and had been entirely resistant to any attempt to engage him in the lesson or discipline him. It was getting to the point where not only would he be extraordinarily rude to me, but he was encouraging the other students to follow suit - effectively halting the lesson. I am sure that with more one-on-one time, he would get better, but I am one person at the head of a room of 20 5-year-olds...the second I turn my attention to one of them, the other 19 get out of hand. And I don't have the time or energy to be corralling each one of them individually. Ultimately, because the class is optional and the student clearly did not want to be there, I asked him to leave. He is welcome to come back next class, but on the understanding that his behavior is much improved.

I'm also pretty sure this is every one of my old teachers getting their revenge on me.

But that was totally mitigated (yesssss I remember fancy English words!) by the end of the class: one of my kids asked me to tie his shoe! I was all like "awww you depend on me! that's really unfortunate for you!"...especially because his shoelaces had become some sort of Gordian Knot. As I wrestled with it, wishing for my Sword of Damocles, I realized that even though I hadn't done too well with the kid I had to ask to leave class, there were 19 other kids in the room who I was reaching, and that made me pleased. Especially one of the students, whose "little-kid-ADD" I think has progressed into actual ADHD. Keeping him focused (and, more to the point, keeping him from not jumping of the desks all class) has been pretty difficult, but I found a video that REALLY worked (for him and the entire class!). For two minutes, they sat there in awed silence, breaking it only to count along with the video. It, of course, is the eminently trippy Sesame Street Pinball video, teaching counting to 12. Thanks, Sesame Street.

And then, at the end of class, one of my students gave me this drawing:



It reads: "Yeongeo seonsaengnim", or English teacher. AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

Not that this is how my classes go. But sometimes these are the looks I get from my kids.

What I really want to know, though, is how does he keep them so still and quiet??

Culture Tips

I just had to share this with you guys...this comes from the English teacher's guide to my fifth grade text book, the chapter on exclamatory and descriptive statements.

The Culture of Exclamation

Western people show exclamation even over trifles. This phenomenon isn't found in an oriental culture that appreciates people who control their feeling and taciturn. We can usually see Americans who are moved so easily by things that Koreans aren't effected by. This means they are accustomed to expressing feeling freely and frankly.

In western culture, they start a conversation about the weather when they meet someone for the first time: 'It's a lovely day, isn't it?'. This is referenced to the inclement weather in England.

The people who live in an area with nice weather like Korea aren't touched by this kind of thing but Englishmen can be impressed.

Translation: Westerners are weird. They like to state the obvious. A lot. Just go with it.

What is this I don't even.

Yellow Dust

You may recall my complaints about yellow dust from such places as "facebook" or "tumblr" or "real life". But just for you, I will regale you once more with the story! Basically what happens is that dust from the Gobi desert gets blown over China where it mixes with wonderful toxic pollutants (thanks guys!). It is then carried over the Korean peninsula and over to Japan giving everything a wonderful yellow tint and making everybody sick.

The Korean Meterological Association has a much better/more technical discussion here. You should read it! There is history!

This is the yellow dust look in South Korea. It is all the rage.

Long story short, I feel like crap today. It is like allergies plus respiratory issues all rolled into one big ball of fun! And it's not just me, either. I am sick, my coteacher is sick, and at least two other teachers on my floor are sick. But we are such troopers, you guys! We came into work ANYWAY, just to hopefully get the little children sick.

SUCKIT, NERDS!

Warning! Boring Self-Evaluative Post to come!

Yesterday, at 6pm Korea Standard Time (or something like that) was a very auspicious occasion. Exactly one month ago, my plane landed on the runway in Seoul Incheon International Airport. Exactly one month ago, I started my Korean adventure.

Alot has happened since then - alot. It doesn't seem like it's been one month; it seems at once so much longer and so much shorter than that. It feels like I've been here practically a lifetime; yet only a few days. I've had dramas; computers and teaching; translation and scheduling. But overall it's been a great experience here. I've started to make some cool friends from places I'd never imagined I'd count friends. From Korea and South Africa to folks from back home in the US - even another Okie!

I've had some great adventures with these people too, visiting Seoul and playing what was either petit golf or very large croquet in Dongtan. Noraebang and traditional Korean dinners followed by American movies. Foreigner gatherings tons of friends and long walks around Osan by myself - it seems like I've done so much.

And yet I've got quite alot to do. I want to see the temples of the countryside and the museums of Seoul. I want to have more Korean dinners and find some great clubs to visit. I want to hike the mountains of Gangnam and visit the beaches of Jeollanam-do. The best part is I know I'll get there, and I'm so excited for what's to come.

As for teaching, I finally feel like I'm getting the hang of it. It started out rough - being in a class with thirty students who really have no idea what you're saying is mildly terrifying, to say the least. But this week went pretty darn well. I had my Friday classes which can be the most trying, but my lessons actually worked - teaching the youngest kids a song about opposites got them up and dancing - actively participating in the lesson. For the next class, we had a good time learning Simon Says and simple commands, and then my last class of the day had a great time with my scavenger hunt to teach them some/any and how to ask for things.

Overall, this month has been very up for me. And with my ARC coming this week - and a bank account, internet, and mobile phone soon to follow - things are looking great for next month. I know there will be downs just as there are ups, but you know what? I'm ready.

Bring it, Korea.

Eugh

I desperately need some games focused on Early Childhood Education, specifically language development - any ideas? Cause I got nothing, and I am rapidly losing my ABCs class.

I have SUCH a good teacher voice

Today, I felt like a real teacher for the first time. The class that just let out, my low-level Continuing English class, has quite the mix of ages and personalities, ranging from 2nd to 6th grade, and they can really get crazy. Today, I had to break up a near fight between two boys because one of them was sitting in the other's seat, AND I had to yell at them to be quiet. I think they got the message from my face and the tone of my voice, because they went dead silent. It was AWESOME. I think this is one of the little secrets of teaching that actual teachers won't tell you - it is REALLY cathartic to yell at the kids when they are acting up.

Yikes that makes me sound mean. Clearly I should not be an elementary teacher. Muahahahahahahahaha.

In other news, it warmed up a little this weekend! But it's cold again now, so...suck. On the upshot, this weekend I went from absolutely zero plans to actually having things to do on both days! On Saturday, I met up with a friend I met at GEPIK Orientation in Songtan, where he teaches, for dinner and boozin' it up. Songtan, incidentally, is where the actual location of Osan AB is, so there are a TON of American servicemen and -women there...it's basically "little America". It's nice to know that there's a vague outpost of America out here, when I need it, but for now I'm comfortable being in the "real" South Korea.

Sunday I (completely randomly) ran into one of the other foreign teachers who lives in Osan when I was on my way to do some grocery shopping, so what started as an hour's or so trip out ended up being the entire afternoon and evening. It's so nice to have company on Sunday afternoons - it helps to stave of the long, dark tea time of the soul. 10 points to whomever picks up that reference.

Looking forward, tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day, and while I don't have huge celebrations planned for tomorrow night, I will be doing a quick lesson in all my classes (4th grade and high-level Continuing English) on the culture of the day abroad. This weekend, though, my recruiting agency is having a party for all the KorVia people teaching in ROK, so I'll be going to that for sure, and then maybe staying in Seoul for the big St. Patrick's Day festivities there. Apparently they light up Namsan tower (the largest building in Seoul) green in honor of the holiday. Not as awesome as dyeing the Chicago River green, but pretty cool nonetheless, no?

It's been One Week

It's a song, and it's how long I've been in South Korea! It works on so many levels!

Since I last posted, things have gone pretty well for me here. I start teaching my Continuing English classes tomorrow, which is a little daunting, but I finally have my own computer in my classroom! Now I don't have to borrow my co-teacher's anymore.

Even more exciting, on Tuesday night/Wednesday morning, it snowed here! It was fairly light, only a couple of inches...yeah, I know DC people, you can be jealous of a snowfall that WASN'T thigh-high. Very pretty. Though I think my town is too small to plow any roads but the couple main ones. And apparently no one has ever heard of salting the sidewalks outside of the US. Still, it was nice to look at.

Perhaps the best thing, though, is that yesterday I was invited to a new GEPIK teacher welcome workshop, and I got to meet quite a few people who live in my area, so now I know some other actual humans with whom I might do stuff! Hurray!

Brief update for now, still wating on my laptop charger to get her via mail. Apparently it was sent via USPS, so I'm not sure if it will actually be deliver-able to my house, given that it doesn't have a street name. Also, apparently USPS has issues delivering mail outside North America. So we'll see. Maybe photos in the near future, but that's also contingent on my charger. As is my ability to lesson plan, etc. You don't really realize how dependent on computers you've become until you are without one for an extended period of time.

Kids these days...

So today in class, I was helping the kids write out namecards with their names on them in English. As an option, if they had previously picked out an English name, they could write that in parentheses next to their real names. One of my kids (who is so far my favorite) had picked out the name Sheep. Which...I mean, of course. It made me smile.

In other news, I found out today that my schedule is getting pretty significantly changed. I am losing one day a week of sixth graders (which is good, I did not like them much), gaining a day of fourth graders, and losing my conversation hour for the teachers. I am most bummed about the last one because I think that was what I was most looking forward to teaching. I had so many ideas about songs, videos, poetry, and short stories to read and tentatively discuss (some of which, I guess, can be transferred to the highest level of my Continuing English classes, but some of it I'll have to skip all together). Bummer.

BAH

Well I'm an idiot. OF COURSE I would leave my power cord to my macbook in the airport. OF COURSE I would. JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL.

On the plus side, I'm a FRIGGIN ROCK STAR at my school, my co-teacher is amazingly sweet (and we are the EXACT SAME AGE), and I found a really nice cafe right across from the Lotte World (think Wal-Mart, only with LITERALLY everything, and infinitely less terrible. I think).

So anyway, only a brief update (no photos of the apartment, sorry), trying to save power. Also, I will have no consistent internet for like...three weeks? but w/e, this cafe is pretty awes. So there ya go.

Oh and I wanted to add, international flights are THE BEST during Oscar season. I watched An Education (Carey Mulligan was fantastic, Peter Saaaaaaarsgaaaaard should never be allowed to do a British accent again), Up in The Air (again some great performances by the ladies), Rebecca (not an Oscar contender this year, but still BRILLIANT), and The Fantastic Mr. Fox. Lots of George Clooney, apparently. So now the only one I need to see to be completely caught up for this Sunday is The Hurt Locker.

Oh PS. Hooray for being in the future! Just FYI, Thursday turns out chilly and rainy. RUINED IT FOR YOU, SUCKAS!!!