Foreign Lands Roundup

Happy Daylight Savings Time, America! I hope you remembered to set your iPhones back an hour, or the LeprechaunWitchFairy will come and steal your first born! Or possibly give you a dollar. I forget which.

You may not know this, America, but not everywhere has your fancy Congress with its power to effect the space-time continuum with a single legislative vote! Well two legislative votes. And then a Conference Committee from both chambers, and then two more votes and then the presidential signature. So it turns out it's quite a lot. But still! Not everywhere can do this, and one of the places that cannot change time via magic or whatever is Foreign Lands, where your author is currently residing. So keeping that in mind (and thus recognizing that you are currently another hour behind Foreign Lands), I give you the roundup of what happened this week! Hooray!

Kathryn Bigelow presents: Greece (photo via)

• Greece last week was terrorized by a series of bomb scares. "So what who cares?" you are probably saying to yourself, "Why just last week, we had our OWN bomb scare and THAT ONE WAS FEDEXED." Well you are right, America! Who cares indeed! Mostly, the people who care are the people at various embassies in Greece (any of whom happen to be looking for new staffers, I am mostly not scared of opening the mail! HINT, HINT!) Also scared of this nonsense are probably the people who open the mail for Sarkozy and Merkel. I guess the Greek wannabe-bombers did not want other, less messed up European leaders to feel left out, so he or she was kind enough to send some bombs to the French and German presidents. Being too badass to be deterred by something as small as a "mail bomb", Nicholas Sarkozy and Angela Merkel continued to open mail like a bandit this week. [RTE]

Be careful, Mr. President! Do not wear a hat, or you will show everyone your secret Muslim identity!  (photo via)

• Following the serious drubbing/tail kicking/better than expected showing in the congressional elections last week, Ol' Barry Bamz took his emo self and did what most of us would do when the guy we THOUGHT liked us but was really just using us for our hope/spare change for tolls: he hopped on a plane and jetted for someplace warm. Of course, for most of us, that place would be somewhere like "the south of France" or "Tahiti" or "Pensacola Beach, FL". But not ol' NObama. No he decided to go to a place of "strategic importance" or whatever (meaning filled with poor people and also guns) - India. Naturally, when one goes to India, one goes to various Eastern-flavored temples, and when one goes to these temples, one often has to wear headgear. Kind of like when I went to the orthodontist in 8th grade! Of course, we all know what this means: OBAMA IS A MUSLIM. So it's up in the air whether or not he will actually go to said temple. Also apparently the Indian security is concerned about murderous coconuts trying to kill the president (most likely sent by John Boehner). ALSO ALSO: Guys chill. This trip is NOT costing $200M per day. The WAR IN AFGHANISTAN does not cost $200M per day. [BBC News]

This man is a douchebag dictator. He is also a winner. (photo via)

• Burma held elections for the first time in 20 years this week. OH NO, you say, HE IS GOING ON ABOUT ELECTIONS AGAIN.  Yes that's right! I am! It's my blog and I like elections so deal. ANYWAY. Burma held elections, and HERE COMES THE JOKE...Do you know how we can tell Burma is NOT a democracy?

           ...Because it's run by a fairly brutal dictator named General Than Shwe and actively engages in              oppression of its citizens. THeir party-backed candidates are set to sweep the elections. Ladies and gentlemen, I'll be here all week. Tip your waiters, they probably have family in Burma who need the money. [Reuters]