Ghost Riders in the Kitchen

This was this one time...

2012-01-28T01:07:00.000+09:00

Oh China...blogging used to be so fun and easy. But now...not so much. Thanks, Great Firewall! And also my own laziness! It also doesn't help much that I've been super busy, doing things such as "laying on my bed" and "watching pirated totally legal DVDs". No but for reals y'all, I have been doing stuff. Here is some of it: Melting in the unending heat and humidity of yet another East Asian

HOLY CRAP I FORGOT I HAD THIS

2011-05-23T15:40:00.000+09:00

Well not really, but it sounds good, right? Right? Whatever, I'm updating now, so be happy about that, nerds. It should probably be a testament to how much I'm liking it here that I haven't updated baaaaasically since I got here. Either that, or a testament to how busy I've been lately. Which, as you might surmise, is fairly busy. I suppose I should start with my school, as that is the thing

Fighting the internet in China

2011-04-12T10:48:00.000+09:00

Good news, everybody! I've arrived safe and sound in Shanghai, if not a little (a lot) jetlagged. China so far is...interesting. Fascinating, even. It's definitely very different from Korea, but I'm trying to take Shanghai on its own terms without constantly comparing it to Korea. This, obviously, is not happening. Every time I go to a restaurant, or get on the subway, or even walk along the

Ugh FINALLY he's posting

2011-04-08T07:22:00.001+09:00

After having been thoroughly put to shame by my friend, who just had a friggin baby (btw, CONGRATS) and is still blogging, I felt it was time to update the interwebs on how my life has been going. The short answer: it's been busy. I think I last left you guys in mid-February, when I was still at Hwaseong Elementary in Korea. Well great news! I'm not there anymore! I flew back to the States on

A post of convenience

2011-02-15T10:32:00.000+09:00

Just because I like you all SO MUCH, I have decided to combine for you here, in link format, all my posts from the vacation in chronological format. So have fun! Click around! Relive the magic! You won't be sorry! Though you might be! Especially if it makes you sad you missed the trip! The layover in Shanghai The terrifying LCCT in Kuala Lumpur I'm on a beach! GERMANS! Cover your shame! A

Photo dump!

2011-02-15T10:11:00.000+09:00

And now for some photos from the vacay...(WARNING: These may be largely boring landscape shots. DEAL.) Finally! A real beer. And delicious pad thai, natch... Beautiful, warm, Kata beach in Phuket Our lovely island hotel/restaurant Photos of photos with beautiful scenery (Ko Phi Phi) Beware of Train! Bangkok: ancient meets modern. Yep. Great city. Probably my favorite in Asia so

Final thoughts on travel

2011-02-08T16:06:00.000+09:00

A few final thoughts on travelling, bulletted out for you. Hooray listicles! Hotels in SE Asia can be fantastically cheap. The hotels we stayed at in Phuket and Siem Reap, in particular, were AMAZING and still dirt cheap. I think the most we ever paid per night per person was $25. So if you're going to this area of the world, don't feel like you have to cheap out and stay in a hostel. You can,

Malaysia: Truly Asia

2011-02-07T16:03:00.000+09:00

Or something. Malaysia is indeed pretty awesome, though. Perhaps because it was the first place where I stepped off the plane and felt warm, but I knew the second I arrived in Malaysia in the early morning of January 20 that I loved it. Though the feeling was tempered when we finally returned, two and a half weeks later, I still feel a great deal of fondness for that country. First, a few words

Cambodia all together

2011-02-03T22:46:00.001+09:00

So it's our last day in Siem Reap, and I think I'm going to try to sum up the last few days all in this one singular blog post. COME ON THIS JOURNEY WITH ME.First, a little background: Siem Reap is a perfectly nice small tourist town that would be little more than a few huts had not the ruins of the largest religious structure in the world been discovered there in the 19th century. As it is, Siem

Traveling Story

2011-01-27T11:12:00.001+09:00

So I currently find myself in one of those very typical Unexpected Travel Situations that no one really plans for, but that are the staples of any travel story. This happens to be the part of my vacation that involves a very long, complicated route to Bangkok that could easily have been obviated by a short, hour-and-fifteen minute flight. Instead, we have decided to take the

It's called modesty, you guys

2011-01-24T14:57:00.001+09:00

Perhaps it is because I was raised in a good, old-fashioned American shame-based religion. Or possibly because I do not have the body of Brad Pitt. But I would never in a million, billion years consider going to the beach in a speedo, let alone outside my own house.That, however, is precisely what countless hoards of European tourists insist upon doing at this beach. What's particularly scary is

The Beach, minus Leo

2011-01-23T00:21:00.001+09:00

YOU GUYS. I am officially the most sunburnt evAR. Well, on my legs at least. I am serious. They look like boiled lobsters. Stupid Korean SPF 47. Whatever.What's more important, however, is that I am at the beach. In January. In Thailand. This is the greatest moment of my life.This is my beach, Kata, in Phuket. It is amazing.So far, Thailand has been awesome. Warm weather, beautiful beaches, and

On the way to thailand

2011-01-20T19:19:00.001+09:00

So we are finally on our way to Thailand, sitting in Kuala Lumpur's Low Cost Carrier Terminal. And in case you were wondering, yes, it very much is low budget. Yes, that's the plane. Yes, we will have to walk up stairs to embark. No, there is no bathroom in this terminal.Also, terrifyingly, there are a lot if people in Muslim Garb around. Juan Williams would be shitting himself if he were here.(

Nihao from China!

2011-01-19T20:01:00.001+09:00

So I have made it to China ( sort of), and now I am sitting in the Shanghai airport eating French fries and strange chicken wings. So that's fun. Also fun? The unexpected trip through customs for my flight transfer. The airport here is pretty standard, if a little crappy behind security. Ah well. Another stamp for the passport and another note for the airport notebook. See you all in KL in about

Test

2011-01-17T21:42:00.001+09:00

Test blog post. Will it work? Will I be able to update from my iPod on my vacay? Tune in tomorrow for the exciting conclusion!- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone (but not really, it's an iPod touch)Location:Osan

Year in review

2011-01-14T10:03:00.000+09:00

After an unacceptably long absence from the blog, naturally I'm going to do a year in review post rather than an actual update. It does, however, seem a fitting topic for my 100th post on this blog. Sidebar: 100 posts? About basically nothing? I'm awesome! Anyway, it's New Year's Eve here in South Korea already. Here's the thing about New Year's Eve/Day: it's not my favorite holiday in the

Private Moments

2010-12-16T23:58:00.001+09:00

Midnight, pitch-black and unfairly cold. Snow falling softly on the bridge. Standing there, an elderly couple clutches something - papers? a bouquet? - in their four hands. Click. Hiss. A flame. The two stand, entranced. The fire roars and falls. briefly illuminating the two. Poof. As one, they let the flames go. Darkness again. I turn and walk away. They didn't see me...they didn't see anything

Foreign Lands Roundup

2010-12-13T15:32:00.000+09:00

I mean, I've only missed like two weeks now. Meh. It's been a pretty busy two weeks for me. And it's been a pretty busy two weeks for the international community, so let's talk about the thing that's been on everyone's mind: WIKILEAKS! ::cue dramatic music:: I have, as you were probably desperately hoping, Some Thoughts on this whole Wikileaks business.First, though, some background: As we've

Boo Korean Education System!

2010-12-13T13:01:00.000+09:00

Following on the heels of a particularly good weekend has come a particularly shitty Monday. I suppose it's all my fault, I said (TWICE) on Sunday that I would be basically coasting this week, since I'd only be doing review worksheets in my classes. Reviewing is important! Especially in language learning, and ESPECIALLY when Teacher is burnt out at the end of the semester. In doing the review

I'm thankful for...

2010-11-29T22:07:00.001+09:00

Last week, as many of you may know, was American Thanksgiving, where families (in accordance with American holiday tradition) gather together to stuff their faces and general remind each other of why they only do this once a year. Thanksgiving is, to me, a very important and special holiday for just that reason, so it's a pretty big bummer for me to not be with my family on Thanksgiving. It was

North vs. South, again

2010-11-23T21:52:00.000+09:00

The scene on Yeonpyeong-do late this afternoon. Photo via I know it's right after a Foreign Lands roundup, but this probably shouldn't wait until next week. So, kids, here's the deal. The North fired some shells on an inhabited island near the disputed maritime border between North and South Korea today. This was ostensibly in response to a provocative exercise by the South Koreans, though the

Foreign Lands Roundup

2010-11-23T21:24:00.000+09:00

Okay guys here's the deal. Last week I didn't do a foreign lands round-up. Which you should probably get over because a once a weekly updated blog about foreign lands should not be your primary resource for learning about The World Around You. BUT ALSO IN MY DEFENSE: basically nothing had happened. There really was only one event of any real importance, the G-20 meeting in Seoul, and basically

No Ma'am November

2010-11-16T13:06:00.001+09:00

Okay, okay, so it's two weeks into this thing. But let's just pretend I had a reason for waiting this long that isn't "laziness" or something similar, alright? Let's go with "I was trying to make sure I would actually stick to this plan before writing about it." I think that sounds pretty good. So it's November, and that means a couple things: the weather turns colder, the leaves fall off the

Foreign Lands Roundup

2010-11-08T21:57:00.000+09:00

Happy Daylight Savings Time, America! I hope you remembered to set your iPhones back an hour, or the LeprechaunWitchFairy will come and steal your first born! Or possibly give you a dollar. I forget which. You may not know this, America, but not everywhere has your fancy Congress with its power to effect the space-time continuum with a single legislative vote! Well two legislative votes. And

A sample lesson, in play format.

2010-11-04T10:27:00.000+09:00

THE SETTING. A run-down classroom in a run-down school in a Seoul exurb. THE PLAYERS. A beaten-down teacher and the group of fifth graders he tries to teach. Curtains up on the classroom. We start in the middle of the lesson, about present continuous verbs. TEACHER: Alright kids, let's open our books to page 113. Do you see page 113? (silence) TEACHER: Page 113? Yes? (silence) TEACHER:

Politics, she is a harsh mistress

2010-11-03T16:04:00.001+09:00

I haven't really done much actual political speaking on this blog. Sure I've got the foreign lands round-up, and from that you probably should have guessed that I'm fairly left-leaning in my own personal politics. So when I woke up this morning and turned on my computer, it was with the heavy sense of dread that had been looming over me for the last several weeks. Glued to my computer screen

OKAY FINE HERE'S YOUR FOREIGN LANDS

2010-11-03T14:52:00.000+09:00

Look. I've been busy. And preoccupied! What with "having a life" and "watching elections", it's been a pretty busy past couple of weeks for me. Plus it's freezing in my classroom which makes typing hard. But HERE YOU ARE, INGRATES. President Dilma Rousseff. A lady with lady parts running Brazil. It was a pretty scary week before Halloween. The American midterm elections rolled into their last

Supes Dupes Important Update Announcement!

2010-10-28T22:06:00.000+09:00

Shanghai Yep folks, you're looking at this correctly. After much careful consideration, I have made up my mind to accept the job offer to teach English in Shanghai. Starting in April, this photo you see here will be my home! I'm seriously excited to start on this new adventure, and you all can be sure that there will be a couch available for you to hang out on. So come visit! Also of note, I

Oh HELL no! I did NOT leave the South Side for this!

2010-10-28T21:57:00.000+09:00

Please pretend there is a screencap of Tim Meadows in Mean Girls pulling a fire alarm and saying "Oh HELL no! I did not leave the southside for this!" here. Last Tuesday was...a day. I don't know if there was something in the Coco Puffs (or rather, kimchi and rice) that the kids ate for breakfast, but they were actin' like they had lost their damn minds yesterday! At first I thought it was just

FINALLY Foreign Lands Roundup

2010-10-27T13:24:00.000+09:00

Ugh so busy lately. Blah blah blah apologies blah blah blah two weeks late blah blah WHATEVER here's your damn round up of what went on in the world while you weren't looking (last week). Now that's what I call SUCCESS Haiti continues to be an important international success story. Possibly related to the collapse of the government a few years ago, or the literal collapse of the capitol city

Dear Blog

2010-10-25T10:04:00.000+09:00

Dear Blog, It's been such a long time since we've spoken. I'm so sorry for that. But it's been a particularly busy week and a half! You see, my grandfather came to visit two weekends ago, so much of my time was spent showing him around Korea (well not the whole country, but some of it!) And then last week was just so busy with school and trips and hanging out with friends and playing with

To Shanghai or not to Shanghai?

2010-10-15T14:37:00.000+09:00

This right here is the question. photo via As some of you might already know, yesterday, I was offered a teaching position in Shanghai, China. The job is with a company that will for now remain nameless, and will be essentially equivalent to hagwon jobs here in Korea - that is, I will work mostly afternoons/evenings, and during the day on Saturday and Sunday. I will, of course, have two

Foreign Lands Roundup

2010-10-12T14:48:00.000+09:00

And I was doing so well! But whatevs, you will just have to deal with having your roundup a little late. TRUST ME IT IS WORTH IT. Life on Mars? What do you think now, Bowie?? You all should know this one. But just to make sure, I am going to tell you again anyway. Last week, an alumina (whatever that is) plant exploded or whatever in Hungary. I know, I know explosions are inherently cool things

Weighing my options

2010-10-05T16:42:00.000+09:00

I've officially crossed the 7 month mark here in Korea, which means that I've only got a short while to really figure out what I'm going to do come March 5th, 2011 - the day after my contract officially ends. The first order of business will naturally be to return to the states to visit some friends/family I'll not have seen for a year or more, but that's not really a viable long-term plan. As

Taxi rides

2010-10-04T13:52:00.000+09:00

Well, one taxi ride in particular. This weekend, a friend of mine and I went to go see the movie adaptation of Elizabeth Gilbert's autobiographical "Eat, Pray, Love" which I understand is a fantastic book. I would only recommend the movie if you enjoy watching movies that are about 45 minutes too long of pretty white ladies being whiny, neurotic, and self-centered. Or if you happen to be into the

Foreign Lands Roundup

2010-10-04T11:44:00.000+09:00

Busy week last week, culminating in the monument to ex-empire, the opening of the 2010 Commonwealth Games, hosted this year in Delhi, India. To which Canada may or may not have sent any athletes, because the facilities for athletes may or may not actually exist. Hurrah! But now for some actually important events: Some polices in Ecuador. They are upset. A coup was attempted in Ecuador last

There are three things I like in this life...

2010-09-29T13:06:00.000+09:00

...to paraphrase Liz Lemon in the Season 5 opener of 30 Rock. One most certainly is sweater weather. It seems like I got back from Jeju, and the weather decided immediately to switch over to fall (PS opinions on this matter from Alaskans do not count)...the last couple days, it's been pleasantly cool in the mornings, a welcome change from the months of dripping sweat on my way to and from

Foreign Lands Roundup

2010-09-28T11:51:00.000+09:00

After much peer-pressure from a certain Jill who shall remain nameless, I have succumbed. "Fine," I said, "I'll go back and figure out what the hell happened in the world last week just so you all don't have to EVEN THOUGH I WAS ON VACATION." So here you go, your Foreign Lands Roundup for last week. Things are going well in Delhi. (photo via) The 2010 Commonwealth Games (some

Oh good lord he's actually updating on time! Foreign Lands Roundup

2010-09-20T17:04:00.000+09:00

OMG THIS IS THE MOST SHOCKING THING EVER! An on-time blog post? What even is that? Clearly I need some kadooz (thanks, Ramona from Real Housewives of NYC) for this. Oh also, this week I will be on vacation at the beach. Without a laptop. So you all will have to follow the foreign lands on your own. DEAL WITH IT. This is the face of a modern chic, inexpensive, DIY bedroom set Neo-Nazi party

WARNING RANTY VENTING POST AHEAD

2010-09-16T16:31:00.000+09:00

Alright. That's it. I have had it up to HERE with this school. My elementary school has got to be one of the most ridiculous places on the PLANET. I am absolutely sick of this! "Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh," I am sure you are saying to yourselves, "here he goes again! Whine whine whine, bitch bitch bitch. At least you have a job, loser!" WHATEVER DO NOT GUILT ME OUT OF MY FEELINGS. Let me tell

Foreign Lands Roundup

2010-09-14T11:24:00.003+09:00

Dag it seems like all I do on this blog anymore is Foreign Lands Roundups. Which is cool, cause I likes 'em. But probably I should do some other updates too...MAYBE THAT WILL HAPPEN THIS WEEK (it won't). This is me. This is me too. Deal with it. Anyway, welcome to This Week in Foreign Lands, with your host, some terrifying amalgam of Gwen Ifill and John McLaughlin. THIS WEEK

The Foreigner Nod

2010-09-07T14:41:00.000+09:00

I think I have an issue. I tend to be paralyzed with fear when I leave my house, because I am that worried about running into awkward social situations. One of the worst of these, in my opinion, is the Awkward Wave. You know the kind I'm talking about, where you see someone in a crowd waving and you assume that's meant for you. Even if you don't know the person waving. For some reason, there is a

Foreign Lands Roundup

2010-09-07T10:21:00.000+09:00

Still not perfect, but I'm getting better - only a day late this time! Hooray! Seriously, guys, WTF is up with these costumes? The Basque separatist group, ETA, announced over the weekend that they will no longer carry out armed actions against the Spanish government. Which is funny, because the Spanish government hadn't thought about ETA since like 2003 when they made a snap decision to

So it's apparently my six-month-aversery

2010-09-02T13:11:00.000+09:00

Which I had not really been paying attention to, I've just been telling people it's six months since like...the beginning of August. So anyway, six months of being in the ROK and what have I learned? That this country is a ridiculous place where ridiculous shit happens. Often. Most of what I thought was ridiculous in the beginning I've since become accustomed to, but I'm pretty sure that no

Foreign Lands Roundup

2010-09-01T12:44:00.000+09:00

Well for all my good intentions of doing this on a weekly basis...here we are at week 2 and I'm already two days late. We'll shoot for Monday for the next roundup, but no promises... Not this Rwandan genocide. Last week, a UN draft report was leaked which states that genocide may have been perpetrated by the Rwandan military in the DR Congo. Quelle surprise! Except that this report was not

Gettin' my re-ward!

2010-08-30T17:11:00.000+09:00

Sometimes I take a look at my life and wonder how on earth I could possibly be a functioning adult. And then I look at my fridge and realize that generally, no. I am not, in fact, a functioning adult. More like a semi-functioning teenager. The ridiculous thing about my fridge is that I actually really like cooking. I just hate grocery shopping. Especially when I have to carry it all back home by

QUIT SNEAKING INTO NORTH KOREA

2010-08-26T13:48:00.000+09:00

Ok guys we need to have a discussion. As some of you may know, there has been a recent spate of Westerners (mostly Americans) sneaking into North Korea and getting caught. Perhaps the most high-profile instance was last summer, when journalists Laura Ling and Euna Lee were caught and detained for several months before Bill Clinton had to go over to North (or "Best") Korea to save their asses. A

I'm gonna try a new thing: Foreign Lands Roundup

2010-08-23T13:58:00.003+09:00

So here's the deal, folks. I'm currently living in a Foreign Land. And I like learning about things going on in other Foreign Lands. So I'm going to start a new, probably weekly, blog feature called the "Foreign Lands Roundup" where I attempt to give some of you uncultured cretins an idea of what's happening in the world beyond your own backyards. The idea is that it will be a few short, possibly

An open letter to the tree in my school's playground

2010-08-21T11:34:00.000+09:00

Dear Cicada Tree, You used to be such a good tree. I rather liked you, in fact. They way you stood apart from the stand of trees in the garden, lending your own shade on the pathway around the field up to my school. You proudly stood for an independence and self-sufficience that so few trees these days are willing to take on. I admired you. I enjoyed walking past you, not just because it meant I

Sick Blogging

2010-08-20T14:28:00.000+09:00

As I am sure anyone who has seen me at my illest (and not the good kind of illin', I'm afraid) can attest, I can be...a bit of a bear when I am sick. It's probably a good idea to leave me alone, but I'll be honest: nothing makes me more of a mama's boy than being sick. And you guys, I was MAD sick the last couple of days. It started on Tuesday. I wasn't feeling great when I woke up, and after

In which I am mean to a manatee, or A Day At The Aquarium

2010-08-16T15:14:00.000+09:00

Possibly one of my favorite things in the world is ocean life. There is very little that fills me with more awe and wonder than the oceans. I'm fairly convinced that sea monsters are real, and that we encounter them quite often. We have just come up with other names for them, like "sharks" and "sting rays" and "craplobsters" (though that last one might just be me, dating back to a particular

Promised birthday update

2010-08-13T15:43:00.001+09:00

After some relaxing Body Design noodles and Doctor Who Season 2, I'm feeling much better about this Friday. Still torn about whether or not the sun should come out and dispense the gloom (but really jack up the temps), but either way, I'm in my classroom with my airconjuseyo set to Antarctica, so life is much better. As I may have mentioned before, I had a birthday recently, turning the big 2-5.

I cannot believe my students.

2010-08-13T09:40:00.000+09:00

This was supposed to be a fun post about my actual birthday celebrations that did not involve Miss Havisham. But I need to get this off my chest just now. Picture, if you will, a group of students just finishing the second-to-last day of their summer camp. They are excited about their English party tomorrow, where they will get to watch a movie and eat food and just have fun. But they will also

Birthday post!

2010-08-11T14:16:00.000+09:00

Argh it's been so long since I last posted! I know, I'm sorry. But the thing is...nothing much of consequence has happened around here lately. I know, I know, there are plenty of things that I could bring the funny on, like the dead atmosphere of the casinos around here, or the time I nearly was straight murdered by a taxi cab speeding through a red light, but I'm just feeling a little...

Summer tiiiiiiiime

2010-08-05T12:39:00.000+09:00

And the livin is easy... Well relatively easy, at least. I started my Summer Camp on Monday, and that's been going pretty well. I come in to school in the mornings (lately drenched in sweat) and get into my classroom and set the airconjuseyo on ICE AGE. Then I slime down towards the teacher's lounge and begin my morning struggle with the copier machine. I swear, human life would be made so much

Wedding Update (For real)

2010-08-01T11:18:00.000+09:00

I suppose I'm at that age. My current total is: three weddings in the last year, one engagement, and several other long-term committed relationships. Wedding season has arrived for my peer group, and this summer, I got to spend my summer vacation travelling back to the States to be best man in one of my closest friends' weddings. Naturally, this involved approximately 6 years of travel through

Wedding Update Part I

2010-07-26T08:37:00.000+09:00

There will probably be a real update on the weekend soon, but for now, here is Jill's voice mail to Joe, sent at about 11:45pm following the reception: Can I have. So if you have your date in a big giant if you could come back to this rule. It's, Room 511, need to come back. We're right now. Hi, this is okay. I'm sorry. If I can glad you know what you did not intend to cover your afterwards. You

Sexual Harrismint - A saga

2010-07-22T07:36:00.000+09:00

It was raining that day, raining real rain from the sky. It should have been an omen, or at least one I could have heeded. You see, I had a coworker dinner that. One of those large, Korean ordeals that tend to make most foreign teachers super uncomfortable, but also serve as a “good” “way” “for” “your” “coworkers” “to” “unwind”. By which I mean at these things, pretty much

School's out for the summer!

2010-07-16T12:22:00.000+09:00

Well, almost anyway. But for me, I only have one more day of teaching, and then it's off to America for a wedding (not mine, of course). And I'm pretty excited about that. Even though this semester has only been about 5 months long, it's seemed MUCH longer than that. It feels like an eon of attempting to corral kids who don't speak English and just want to play; of repeating the same damn

Sixth Grade Girls are SO MEAN

2010-07-12T17:16:00.001+09:00

On Wednesdays we wear pink. It is a truth universally acknowledged that there is no group of human beings on the planet worse than 6th Grade Girls. They are snotty, catty, and generally just the WORST the world over. This is no less true in 2010 South Korea than it was in 1997 America (for those of you playing the home edition, this would indeed be the year your narrator was himself in sixth

I MADE DINOSAUR SOAP

2010-07-08T15:03:00.000+09:00

One of the bizarre perks of this job are the random trips you get/are forced to take with other English teachers. This leads to large groups of (largely white) English teachers roaming the Korean countryside awkwardly, generally having adventures. Take yesterday, for example. Yesterday, all the teachers in Osan and Hwaseong were pulled out of classes for the day to take a bus tour of some

Bees: nature's violent killing machines.

2010-07-05T17:30:00.000+09:00

I am being completely serious. There are not many things in this world that really scare me, but bees are ABSOLUTELY one of them.Sharks? Not a problem. Get me a cage and let's go diving. Dinosaurs? Sign me up for a trip to Jurassic Park. But bees? ABSOLUTELY NOT. I have always had a problem with bees, ever since I can remember. I recall going on a picnic with my school in elementary (and this

It's Canada Day!

2010-07-01T16:13:00.002+09:00

Today is Canada Day! Happy Canada Day to all Canadians. I'm going to avoid too much snark here, because I am a Sensitive New Age Guy who Respects Other People's Cultures. I will just add, though, that if you see these guys (jeez could I pimp their blog any more???), please sing to them a rousing rendition of O, Canada. It annoys the hell out of them. Especially her. I don't know why. I think

Nostalgia

2010-06-29T16:29:00.002+09:00

Nostalgia - it's delicate, but potent. Teddy told me that in Greek, "nostalgia" literally means "the pain from an old wound." It's a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone. This device isn't a spaceship, it's a time machine. It goes backwards, and forwards... it takes us to a place where we ache to go again. It's not called the wheel, it's called the carousel. It lets us

Ridiculous

2010-06-23T22:31:00.002+09:00

Yesterday, I was given a cucumber. No special occasion, I was just leaving school yesterday and one of my coworkers came up to me, handed me a cucumber and said "for you". Which...yay? I was just thinking the other day that I needed to introduce more fruits and vegetables into my diet. And I do rather like cucumbers. But I am pretty sure this is the first time I have ever been given one as a

Doctor Who? Doctor FISH!

2010-06-22T13:36:00.000+09:00

OH MY GOSH IT'S BEEN LIKE 4 DAYS SINCE I POSTED I AM SO SORRY GUYS!!!! To make up for it, here is a post about a gross thing I did (AND I LIKED IT!): Every once in a while, we all just need a bit of pampering. Some of us want to watch a day-long marathon of Golden Girls, some of us want to read a book, and some of us want to get our feet eaten by fish. Wait, what? You heard me! Can't you

Young Love in the English Room

2010-06-18T18:15:00.002+09:00

Today was not shaping up to be the greatest of days. The day dawned cloudy (though that might have been the thick layer of pollution) and seriously humid for about the fourth day in a row. Another day of threatening rain, but receiving none; one of those days where the atmosphere is pregnant with expectation and everyone seems just a little thrown off. Add to that the serious loss of South Korea

These are my confessions

2010-06-17T13:57:00.000+09:00

Just when I thought I said all I could say, my chick-- Wait. Those are Usher's confessions. Sorry. Here are my confessions: I don't think I'm cut out for elementary school teaching. I mean, I like the students and all, and they're pretty fun to play with, but GOOD LORD I need slightly more mature conversations. Even if it's about terrible pop music! I happen to like terrible pop music! The

The ajumma landlady

2010-06-16T11:04:00.000+09:00

Anyone of us spending some time teaching here in South Korea will, at some point or another, have an experience with our landlady (and I have yet to meet someone with a landlord, just in case you were wondering why that noun is so specifically gendered). The experience, in a word, will almost certainly prove to be...dynamic. For example: Yesterday morning, I woke up, had a piece of toast- Sorry

MIKA! MIKA! I WENT TO SEE MIKA! (and also World Cup ROK-Greece)

2010-06-14T10:14:00.008+09:00

MIKA LIVE IN SEOUL. Yes, Virginia, this will be a photo dump.Saturday woke up grey and rainy. Perfect weather for staying inside and having a Glee or Battlestar Galactica marathon, but I had other plans. You see, Saturday was The Day. The day I had been waiting for for several months - MIKA was playing a concert in Seoul. So a friend of mine grabbed our umbrellas and headed for Olympic Park, the

World Cup Update

2010-06-13T16:10:00.005+09:00

Alright folks just wanted to post a quick update of my experience watching the World Cup in Korea. I'll have photos from the game (and the Mika concert yay!) tomorrow probably. So last night was South Korea's first match of the 2010 FIFA World Cup, against Greece, so the country basically stopped dead in its tracks to watch the game. And when I say stopped dead in its tracks, I mean there is not

Obligatory World Cup Post

2010-06-11T15:18:00.009+09:00

Being an American living in a Foreign Land where soccer (or "football" as some people call it for indiscernible reasons) is a big deal, it is mandatory that one writes a post on the World Cup, should it happen while you are in town. The reason for this is, I think, that we as Americans really only have limited reference for just how big a deal this is in other countries. It's sort of like ((Super

Courtesy of Betsy

2010-06-10T11:20:00.003+09:00

The long, hot days of summer seem to have arrived all at once to the Republic of Korea. This weekend, the temperatures shot up about 10-15 degrees (fahrenheit, obvs), and the Time of Sweating began. This is made especially exciting because of the near complete lack of airconditioning (aircon, a/c, depends on where you're from) in my school. Outside, the temperature is a warm but bearable 87-88,

My Procrastination

2010-06-08T20:32:00.004+09:00

I have a not-insignificant amount of work to finish this evening. So of course, I am doing a great job perfecting my procrastination skills. Here's how it goes:Step 1: Turn on computerStep 2: Open MS Word & the appropriate document to complete. Wait the 5 minutes it takes Word to open on this infernal machine. WHY WON'T YOU OPEN FASTER???Step 3: Wonder how much it would cost to get a new computer

An open letter to the hot water heater in my apartment

2010-06-07T09:05:00.003+09:00

Dear Hot Water Heater,I know we haven't known each other for very long - only a little over three months - but I think we need to have a talk. You may think this forward of me, but I am a little upset with you. Perhaps I just haven't taken the time to get to know your quirks. I do try to spend a little time with you daily, whether it's in the shower or doing my dishes. I like to think we were

Look at what one of my kids just did!

2010-06-04T15:31:00.003+09:00

LOOK AT THIS. LOOK. This is the best drawing of me anyone has ever done. One of my students did this while I was teaching the class on demonstrative adjectives. Would I rather she learned this, that, these, and those? Sure. But this works okay too, I guess...

To prevent from being injured, please take off your earrings while running

2010-06-03T13:52:00.005+09:00

More on this in a minuteAs countless other Korean bloggers have mentioned, yesterday (June 2) was election day here in the ROK. The campaign season here is marked by trucks blaring campaign songs, campaign dancers, banners everywhere, and a blissfully short two-week period. As opposed to America, where campaign season lasts for infinity (and somehow, in spite of myself, I still love it). You can

My seafood-venture!

2010-06-01T15:54:00.004+09:00

Those of you who are at all averse to fish or other sea-dwelling creatures, be advised: THERE WILL BE NO ESCAPE FROM THIS POST.So last night, I went to dinner with a friend of mine from college who is hear visiting her family. This was possibly my last opportunity to visit with her before she goes back to America, so I am really glad I got the opportunity. However, I might have been a bit more

Improv!

2010-05-31T09:11:00.004+09:00

Written 5/30 at 10:50pmWelp, I suppose it's time to get blogging again...gotta get those May post counts up!Right now, I'm sitting on a mugunghwa train, waiting to pull out of Seoul to find out just how much a cab will in fact cost to get back to my house. Since I'm going to miss the last subway that goes to Osan. WONDERFUL. Of course, I didn't get a real seat on this train, so I'm stuck on the

I am so lazy it stuns even me!

2010-05-29T22:01:00.002+09:00

If there’s one thing people should know about me, it’s that I tend to talk a big game, but I’m generally lazy to actually back anything up. For example, I really enjoy pretending I’m a lot more adventurous than I actually am. Honestly, it’s true! I have had an open application to the Peace Corps for nearly 3 years now that I’ve just been too lazy and/or distracted to

A writing post

2010-05-27T21:23:00.004+09:00

Alright kids, I'm about to do that annoying bloggy thing that bloggers do and just write because I haven't posted in a while, so you are free to leave at anytime. I will not keep you here. OK here goes.One of the things I want to do while I'm over here is improve my writing skills, so I've been trying to write every day. Most of the time that ends up over on my tumblr account (shameless plug GO!)

UPDATE

2010-05-24T16:03:00.002+09:00

I felt the need to add this after that last post so you all didn't think I had suddenly become a sodden hot mess curled up on the floor in the fetal position weeping quietly to myself. Because of course, after the last post, I went and had myself a pretty good day at school today. No major acts of terrorism from the students (one of them even apologized after she saw I was upset about the petting

Ugh. (WARNING: WHINY POST AHEAD)

2010-05-23T21:47:00.004+09:00

Today in the Magical World of Nolen's Successes, I blew out a candle in my bathroom. And got hot wax all over my face. (I'm fine, but still picking wax out of my hair, eyebrows, and eyelashes, thanks for asking.)This minor inconvenience has been pretty indicative of my last week or so...a lot of little, ridiculous annoyances adding up to just BLAH. So now I'm gonna tell you about it, internet.

In which I go hiking and get the meat sweats

2010-05-20T10:38:00.002+09:00

Before we get started with today's entry into the wonderful world of Nolen, let me apologize for the lack of photos. I promise to look for a new camera this weekend so I can actually show you all everything.Anyway. Yesterday was finally time for some school bonding. Most of my other teacher friends had gone through this (some several times already), and now it was my turn. Yesterday, we went

Quick haircut update

2010-05-18T08:50:00.004+09:00

So last night I finally gave up and got my hair cut. You guys, it was getting pretty drastic...I was verging on mullet territory. So I talked to my friend who'd recently gotten her haircut from a great stylist who spoke English, and we set up an appointment for myself and a friend of mine whose situation was nearly as bad (think more sticking out at the sides than mullet), and we headed down to

Awwww teaching moments!

2010-05-12T08:45:00.003+09:00

Sometimes being a teacher can be really frustrating. Like yesterday, I finally had to make a student leave my lowest-level afterschool class. He'd been a disruption from day 1, and had been entirely resistant to any attempt to engage him in the lesson or discipline him. It was getting to the point where not only would he be extraordinarily rude to me, but he was encouraging the other students to

On buying clothes in Korea

2010-05-11T09:25:00.004+09:00

For those of you who have known me for a long time, you know that I used to be a much bigger guy than I am now. For comparison, then:The thoughtful English majorAnd now:The grossed-out English teacherYou can see, a drastic change, but it's not like I'm some tiny waif these days.So this weekend, I needed to grab a new pair of jeans for reasons that are much lamer than you might imagine. I was in

Sports Day! Assa! Fighting!

2010-05-06T09:39:00.002+09:00

So this weekend we had Sports Day at my school. Sports Day, if I haven't already told you about it, is essentially similar to our Field Day (or Track and Field Day) in the states, only every school has one, even the middle and high schools, as opposed to just elementary school. I'm not sure if there are equivalents in other countries, so if you've never even heard of Field Day, or Sports Day, and

Pic spam!

2010-04-27T15:40:00.003+09:00

Here are some photos of the youngest kids I teach. Enjoy!At some point, they got hold of the camera. Here is the result:

2010-04-26T20:58:00.003+09:00

Not that this is how my classes go. But sometimes these are the looks I get from my kids.What I really want to know, though, is how does he keep them so still and quiet??

Part the Second

2010-04-25T20:56:00.002+09:00

Sorry it took a week to get this second part up. I hope you all lived.Fortunately for you, I am sitting in front of my computer, putting off making powerpoint after powerpoint for my lessons this week. So hooray blogging! It keeps me from doing my job.SO. When we left off, I had just had a very pleasant weekend in Seoul, bumming around the place, and was about to embark upon my three day training

And now I'm oriented!

2010-04-22T09:28:00.004+09:00

Part the FirstHello all my dear readers! I have so much to tell you about! First, though, let me apologize for the lack of recent updates. These things happen when you're busy. I know it must have been a very trying time for you all, attempting to suffer through your quotidian lives without my updates, but I am glad you were strong enough to soldier on.So let's see...when we last spoke, my

Two things

2010-04-15T15:55:00.005+09:00

Two very important things happened to me today. I shall tell you about them...now:THING THE FIRSTI should have brought in my video camera today. This was too great not to be seen. After the child labor cleaning crew had come through and done their standard mediocre job, about 5 of them decided to hang behind and play with some of the toys in the short bookcases near my desk. While they were

Culture Tips

2010-04-14T11:47:00.003+09:00

I just had to share this with you guys...this comes from the English teacher's guide to my fifth grade text book, the chapter on exclamatory and descriptive statements.The Culture of ExclamationWestern people show exclamation even over trifles. This phenomenon isn't found in an oriental culture that appreciates people who control their feeling and taciturn. We can usually see Americans who are

Surprise Camping Trip!

2010-04-13T13:05:00.006+09:00

Haha suckas! I found out yesterday that the fourth and fifth graders are going on a school camping trip to learn about nature or whatever. They will be gone Tuesday (today) and Wednesday (tomorrow), the positive upshot of which is my regular classes are all cancelled. Hooray! I still have to do my after school classes, though, so it's not all a free ride. But that's the thing about teaching

So tired!

2010-04-11T23:01:00.002+09:00

Sorry for the lazy video post today, but I have approximately 8000 things to do and the desire to do exactly none of them. I mean, I was lesson planning today, and I planned maybe half my lessons for the week. The thing is, at least two more lessons just need me to look at what's next in the textbook and then write that down on paper. And I didn't even do that! WTF ever, deal. And I went to EMart

Good news, everybody!

2010-04-08T20:18:00.004+09:00

I have internet now! In the comfort of my own home! Now I am free to Skype at will.Getting the internet was surprisingly easy. Emjee called this afternoon and set up an appointment with T-broad, the internet people here in Gyeonggi-do, and promptly at 6 the guy arrived to install. There was some confusion regarding the mac (windows is king here), but that was quickly resolved and he was on his

Another teaching post! Hooray!

2010-04-07T20:44:00.003+09:00

Sorry no pics this time, they refused to move from my camera to the computer. Jerks.You guys! I was paid a really nice compliment this afternoon by my co-teacher, 뮹주 (Myungju, or Emjee which is her English name). She told me that not only was I doing well, but that I seemed to be a natural at teaching the children. Even the other teachers on the floor were impressed by me. So that was a great

Yellow Dust

2010-04-05T12:21:00.003+09:00

You may recall my complaints about yellow dust from such places as "facebook" or "tumblr" or "real life". But just for you, I will regale you once more with the story! Basically what happens is that dust from the Gobi desert gets blown over China where it mixes with wonderful toxic pollutants (thanks guys!). It is then carried over the Korean peninsula and over to Japan giving everything a

Warning! Boring Self-Evaluative Post to come!

2010-04-04T15:46:00.005+09:00

Yesterday, at 6pm Korea Standard Time (or something like that) was a very auspicious occasion. Exactly one month ago, my plane landed on the runway in Seoul Incheon International Airport. Exactly one month ago, I started my Korean adventure. Alot has happened since then - alot. It doesn't seem like it's been one month; it seems at once so much longer and so much shorter than that. It feels like